About Me

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Nashville, TN, United States
I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Infertility Etiquette from Resolve

I read this on Baby on Mind's blog and thought it would be good to repost.  I wish everyone would read this!  I would make every IF'ers TTC journey so much easier.

I was reading through some postings on BabyCenter a while ago when I came across the "Infertility Etiquette" article.  I have read this before in the past and found myself wishing that everyone that has not struggled with TTC would have read this.

Not many people in my circle of friends or family know about our struggles with TTC, so it has been really difficult encountering some of the following.  I am sharing this because I know most of you have or will experience some or all of these.   Feel free to share this with others that love and care for you.

Below is the super paraphrased version of the article.  Please read the full article here on the RESOLVE website.  It's really worth the read.

Infertility Etiquette, by Vita Alligood
  • Don't tell them to relax
  • Don't minimize the problem
  • Don't say there are worse things that could happen
  • Don't say they aren't meant to be parents
  • Don't ask why they aren't trying IVF
  • Don't play doctor
  • Don't be crude
  • Don't complain about your pregnancy
  • Don't treat them like they are ignorant
  • Don't gossip about your friend's condition
  • Don't push adoption (yet)
  • Let them know you care
  • Remember them on Mother's Day
  • Support their decision to stop treatments
From http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_ie

p/s Please feel free to share or repost on your blog.  Just make sure you link to the original page.


  1. I have a friend that I wish would read and UNDERSTAND this article!! The other day when I was expressing some of my fears that I'm trying to overcome through an email to her she actually wrote me back this..."I don't care if someone has a lot of trouble getting pregnant like you or gets pregnant when the wind blows like me, we are all gonna have our fears." Yes, I see her point for sure, but did she have to say it like THAT!?!?! I wanted to scream at her, "Thanks for always feeling the need to point out how hard it was for me and how easy it was for you to get pregnant...Apparently it happens to you when the wind fucking blows!! AHHH!!!" Couldn't she have just said, "No matter how someone conceives they will always have fears." WTF!

    Sorry about this long vent session on your blog, but I know that YOU understand my frustration. (Also I cant put this on my own blog since SHE reads it. Yup, she reads my blog and STILL doesn't understand a thing about IF.)

    No matter how we try to explain IF, some people will never be able to have any sensitivity for those of us who had/have difficulty TTC. They just have no idea what its like!!!

    Thank GOD for you and this IF community!!!


  2. Seriously Pricilla...how are you still friends with her! I would have sent her the nastiest email back. Especially if the b*itch reads your blog. How can you be so insensitive and naive. And I don't care what she says...the sheer terror that we experience as IF patients is unmatched by the "get pregnant when the wind blows" population. Think about it...we are SOOOOO much more in tune with our bodies because of what we have been through which makes us that much more paranoid.

    You can always vent to me! I totally get it!!!!!!

  3. I did send her a nasty email back. She apologized, but I know that she'll never really understand why it upset me. I've thought about dumping her as a friend, but then that means I'm letting my infertility isolate me even further. Loosing friends over their inability to understand my IF isn't worth it to me...cause I'd have very few friends if I expected them all to "get it."

    Thanks girlie!! I'm so glad to have you! :)

    I still can't believe you're having TWINS!!! It's so amazing!!!

  4. I'd have flipped out about Cilla's friend too...We ABSOLUTELY are going to be more worried than non-IFers - and we shoud be! If I lose this pregnancy, it is highly likely that there won't another one. I'm going to be more concerned than someone who can concieve anytime she chooses.
    My boss told me once that maybe my failed cycles were because "God didn't think I was ready to be a mom yet" It was supposed to bring me comfort, but I have no clue how. People are clueless and I like to think at least their intention is good, but sometimes I wonder...

  5. Yeah DAMMIT!! You two are right!!! I was really pissed when she first sent me that stupid email, but somehow I just let it go thinking I was over reacting. But now that I think about it again and I hear what you think about it, it really bugs me again. Tracey...you're so right! This might be my ONLY pregnancy so screw my friend for thinking that she understands the worry and fear I cope with every day. UGH!!!

    Thanks again for your support. And Thanks Emily for posting this article.

    You are both right...what was said to me was cruel and unnecessary!!!

    Love you guys!!

    Oh and Tracey...I CANNOT believe someone told you that!?!?! Horrible!! Good intentions, but utterly clueless...

  6. I didn't even think about it like that Tracey...you are totally right though...this will probably be the only time I am pregnant!

    Damn outsiders!!!!!!