About Me

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Nashville, TN, United States
I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A little bruise to the family jewels.

My poor hubby waited a week to tell me that he had been having some pain “down there.” He told me after he made an appointment to see the urologist. I was kind of surprised that he made an appointment to see the turn-and-cough doc considering it was like pulling teeth to get him to go when we first started seeking fertility treatments. He let it go for a week thinking the dog maybe jumped on him the wrong way or he hurt himself jet skiing.

He went on Tuesday and the doctor didn’t seem the least bit worried about the fact that we had an IVF treatment cycle coming up (which we just wrote an $11,000 check for). His first concern was testicular cancer. After they examined him, the doc felt that it was probably not cancer, but maybe a varicele or an aquacele (which I had never even heard of before). He also felt that the prostatitis (ok…seriously, prostatitis keeps trying to auto correct to “prostitutes”) that he was first diagnosed with several months ago might be coming back. He ordered him a testicular ultrasound to check it out.

He had his U/S yesterday and the tech said everything looks good…although we still haven’t heard from the doctor. I called our fertility clinic to let them know what was going on, and they felt the best course of action would be to go ahead and freeze a sperm sample “just in case.” My nurse said that she seriously doubts anything could happen to his sperm counts that would no allow us to be successful doing ICSI…so that’s good. So $700 later, we now have a sperm sample, or a spermsicle if you will, on ice “just in case.” If anything else it’s peace of mind for the day of our retrieval. So I assume well be getting a call shortly with a report of our little swimmers.

In other news, we are leaving for vacation tomorrow! I couldn’t be more excited. This will be one of the first true vacations we have taken that hasn’t been coupled with one of my husband’s business trips since our honeymoon. We will be spending 7 days on Oak Island, NC. We rented this adorable little beach house that we will be sharing with two of our other couple friends that we love hanging out with.

We started our Z-packs on Tuesday and hubby has to take a double does of antibiotics for the prostatits. I start my Lupron on the 30th so I need to be sure to pack all drugs, syringes, alcohol swabs, and sharps containers for vacation. Seriously, I don’t know how diabetics do it will all the needles with they travel. Pain in the butt if you ask me!

Guess that’s it! Say a little prayer that Tropical Storm Danny changes course and doesn’t head right to NC!!!! Pics from our vacation to follow!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Feeling less like a crazy betch...

So for a while I could not stand to see my friends pregnancy updates on Facebook and Myspace. So like a total crazy person, i went in and deleted all of these people from my friend lists. I don't know what has come over me, but lately I feel a calming feeling that has helped me to look at these things online and see these women in public. I think for the first time, I am so sure that IVF is going to bless us with a baby, that I don't feel jealousy anymore. It's an interesting feeling to come full circle, because I have been living with this jealousy since we started TTC. I'm sure I will feel differently when I am all hopped up on hormones, but for now I am enjoying this feeling!

In other news, I realized today that I CAN'T have it all. As some of you know, I have been working on my Master's degree this past year as a Nurse Practitioner in Psychiatric Medicine. Well this year, my school schedule just doesn't work with my work schedule. I was crushed over the idea of having to withdraw from school. So I decided to explore a few job opportunities that offered less money but more flexibility. I had an interview today and was just offered the position a few hours ago. One caveat: I would be taking a 25K salary cut. This was the first time that I realized that nothing was more important to me at this moment in my life than having a beautiful healthy baby with my husband. So long story short...I have made a lot of revelations today and I am feeling pretty good going into my very first IVF cycle.

Monday, August 17, 2009

AF...where are you?

So for the very first time in this journey I am anxiously waiting for AF to arrive! Of course, when I need to to show, it doesn't. Figures. I should be on CD1 of our IVF cycle today...in fact my IVF plan says to start taking the Desogen tonight. I am really hoping that this doesn't push back our cycle even more....we already postponed starting for one month because of a vacation we have coming up and all of DH's travel. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what my IVF nurse says (I emailed her this morning).

UPDATE: My nurse said everything is fine...go ahead and start the BCPs as planned and just anticipate spotting during this cycle. So I guess we are officially starting our IVF cycle as of tonight!!

In other news, some friends of ours are doing their embryo transfer this morning. They go to the same clinic we do. I really pray for them and that this works despite the fact that she ignored the RE's orders to quit smoking. Selfishly I admit that I want it to work for them so I can feel better about what DH and are about to go through and I would love to have her support (because we all know how bitter IF patients get when our cycles don't work!).

Moving away from IVF, our big vacation is coming up in two weeks! We are heading to Oak Island, NC to spend an entire week on the beach with two other couple friends of ours. The last time we took a vacation that long it was for our honeymoon! It will also be a great way to not thinking about our cycle or getting pregnant or any of that. We have rented a huge 4 bedroom house right on the beach. We have absolutely NO plans which is the best part!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Raising Money for the Down Syndrom Association of Middle Tennessee

Hey everyone,

Not much new in the IVF realm. Just waiting for AF to start so I can write a heart attack inducing check to the clinic and get this show on the road.

Aside from that, my DH and I have good friends that have the sweetest daughter with Down's Syndrome. Every year they have a big walk to raise money for research and awareness. Randy and I have pledged to raise $1000 for them this year. I know it seems like a lot, but not having any children yet, I could only imagine what it would feel like to have a child with Down's. Working in the clinical research realm myself, I understand how important these fundraisers are.

So I am asking for everyone's help, if you could, please share my link to my fund raising page...put it on your blog, email it to friends, donate yourself. Every little bit helps....even a dollar here and a dollar there!

Thanks so much for all your help!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Keep your eye on the prize

So DH gave me the "test" progesterone shot last Wednesday. It went surprisingly well. I will admit that I got myself completely worked up and started to cry before he did it. My wonderful husband was an absolute trooper....I know he hates needles, but he calmed me down and gave me the shot like a pro. He looked me in the eyes and told me to "keep your eyes on the prize." He said whenever I get scared or nervous to just think about why we are doing all of this. He couldn't be more right. I am so blessed to have such a level headed DH. I think the build up was WAY worse than the actual shot. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt, because it did. He did it just like a dart. Doing it quickly made the prick of the needle actually breaking the skin much more tolerable. He pushed the progesterone in oil really slow though and I think next time we will try to push it a little bit faster because it because quite uncomfortable having a needle in my butt cheek that long. The next day my bootie was tender, but nothing unmanageable.

This past weekend we went to St. Louis to see DH's sister and our nephews. We had a great time playing with them. They are absolute balls of energy. I also had the chance to talk to my sister in law about all of our infertility issues. It was quite nice because I don't think she really realized how much trouble we are having. It's easy from an outsiders perspective to say things like "How's the baby making coming" or "Are you pregnant yet" and not really realize how hurtful those phrases can be, so it was nice for her to have a glimpse into how painful this process has been for her baby brother and myself.

We also met up with some good friends that drove in to St. Louis as well. We had a great time...drank way too much (which I am taking full advantage of since I am not supposed to drink starting in a few days.

We are officially a few days away from being "in-cycle" for our IVF protocol. I take birth control through this Wednesday and then wait for AF to arrive. At that point our money in whole is due to the clinic. Then the fun begins!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Show me the goods...

Well all of my drugs arrived yesterday. I guess we have officially crossed the first hurdle.

I can't believe this cost $1,500

Hubby decided he wanted to build a "fertility castle" out of everything. He's so cute it kills me sometimes!

Well tonight DH gives me the trial shot of progesterone in Olive Oil. I'll keep you posted!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

First comes love, then comes marriage, then come the baby...oh wait, no...no it doesn't...

Ok, I am on my new serious kick to blog daily or close to it. I am so young, but really have experienced so much during this TTC journey. If I can touch just one person with my blog, then the plan God has for me is serving its purpose (as painful and financially draining as this “journey” is). So let’s do the catch up.

Our last IUI failed. We had SOO much hope that it had worked…but alas…it didn’t. I was rather devastated this time around because we had 3 follies and awesome counts (well awesome by male factor standards). I did have an inkling that it didn’t take though.

After this failed round, DH went in to have his counts and everything looked at. My RE called and suggested that given his counts and my PCOS, we skip the 3rd try with injects and move on to IVF. In all honesty, I don’t know why people that have multiple factors (PCOS and male factor) aren’t just encourage to save their money and start with IVF. It’s a business I guess…and they milked us for 3K each inject/IUI cycle….but I have not known one cyster with male factor to get pregnant this way.

So Randy and I went to our IVF class (that is required by our fertility center). $216 later, I am scared out of my mind. I don’t think I realized quite how many needles I’d be sticking in myself or that the progesterone in oil needle is an 22g and it goes in your butt.

Our RE has recommended doing the long IVF protocol (Lupron and the works) and ICSI. They went ahead and ordered all of our meds. We actually faired pretty well. The clinic told us to anticipate close to a $3000 medication bill. It only came out to be $1587. It arrived at my husbands’ job today. I don’t think I realized going into this quite how expensive this whole thing is. Here’s the breakdown for our IVF procedure:

• Nashville Fertility Center 3000.00
• Reproductive Specialty Lab 3500.00
• NFC Surgery Center 2300.00
• Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) 1450.00
• Lupron 2 week kit 99.00
• Follistim 300 (7 cartridges) 1240.00
• Tetracycline 10.00
• Medrol dose pack 15.00
• Ovidrel Hcg shots (2) 179.98
• Progesterone in Olive Oil (2) 15.00
• Package of 22g needles 12.00
• Package of 18g needles 12.00
• Syringes 5.00
o GRAND TOTAL: $11,837

Damn it makes me cringe to type that out….but I guess everyone going into it needs to know. DH and I have ZERO insurance coverage for the procedure or meds. The only things that were covered were the antibiotics, steroids, and progesterone in oil.

Because I had a massive allergic reaction to progesterone suppositories (I had a Steven’s Johnsons reaction) that put me in the hospital, they want me to test taking the progesterone in oil shot one time tomorrow night to ensure that I don’t have an anaphylactic reaction to it. Since DH and I took the past two cycles off to prepare for IVF, we agreed that testing it before dumping thousands of dollars into the cycle would be a really good idea. The idea of plunging an entire 22g needle into my ass makes me cringe. The more I watch the “how to video” the more nervous I get. DH is going to give it to me just because of the location (and because I am a total chicken).

Well here’s goes nothing! I’ll keep you posted; )

Blogging....for real this time!

I have this awful habit of stopping my blogging every time I find out I'm not pregnant. So you have probably guessed...I'm not pregnant.

IVF here we come! We've officially been told that IVF is our only hope in getting pregnant. I plan on blogging about it every step of this painful and expensive journey!