About Me

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Nashville, TN, United States
I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

While daddy's away the girls will play

My hubby is out of town for his first business trip since the girls were born.  I was so blessed to have him stay in town for as long as I did after they were born.  I'd say on average he travels about once a month.  He's gone for 4 days and I've been dreading this trip for a few weeks now.  So far so good though.  Let's hope I can maintain a glimmer of sanity towards the end of the 4th day. 

On a positive note, both of the girls have slept through the night for 2 nights in a row.  While completely unlikely, it would be really nice if they could continue that streak while there daddy is out of town.

I would also like to get some feedback from my fellow bloggers.  Since the girls were born I have had some pretty unrealistic fears that I can't seem to shake.  Before I describe these I want to point out that I am in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM thinking about hurting my babies.  I always seem to think the worst no matter what I am doing.  For example, If I am walking down the stairs with one of them I imagine falling and crushing them.  If they are doing tummy time I think that I might trip and squash them.  If I am cooking, I think that they may fall in the oven (even though I've never once cooked while holding one of my babies).  I also keep having a reoccurring nightmare/thought that my house is going to get broken in to and someone is going to steal my babies and drive away with them.  In talking with a friend this past weekend she said she went through the same thing and her doctor put her on Lexapro (which she swears by).  I have never thought that I was dealing with any postpartum issues, but now I wonder if my weird thoughts are actually abnormal.  I am pretty opposed to taking anti-depressants because I don't think they are a cure all...especially if there isn't anything actually wrong.  What are your thoughts on this?


  1. I took Lexapro during infertility and it was very helpful.

    I have those thoughts too, but they don't consume me. They are just brief, like a little reminder to be careful with them and also I think it's natural to want to protect your babies. Does it consume you? If it is really bothering you, it might help to just talk to your doctor about it.

    Good luck!

  2. I don't think the occasional thought like that is problematic - it's just your sub-conscious running through scenarios, so if it DID happen you'd have a plan of action.

    But like Ashley said, if it's really bothering you, talk to your doctor, or even the girls' pediatrician, either one should be able to give you some medical level feedback on if it's a problem or not.

    I'm pretty sure Askmoxie.com had a post on this at some point, with tons of feedback, but I don't have time right now to find it...crying baby must be soothed!

  3. I say...if there's a drug, and it helps, go for it. :) I'm a fan of drugs!!

  4. It sounds like you might be dealing with some postpartum anxiety if you can't shake the thoughts. Some anti-depressants also treat anxiety issues. I think it's worth talking to your doctor about, just to be on the safe side.

  5. You are still awash in hormones, and fears like that, irrational or no, are normal. I sometimes think it's the mind's way of making us be even more careful with a new baby (or 2!). If it starts to consume you, and you feel you're having trouble functioning, there are options for helping to balance your hormones. Keep talking about it to vent out the fears and know you are NOT the only one who has gone through this.

    We get so little preparation for everything that happens in the months after the birth process - I think that a lot of it gets swept under the rug, as though it's shameful to feel anything but unadulterated bliss, so we just won't talk about it. As wonderful and precious and awesome as being a mother to babies and small children is, it is also exhausting, and the first few months can be WEIRD in spots. You're doing a fantastic job, and I know Randy loves you and those girls more than the world. That support means everything. And the weird stuff doesn't go on forever!

  6. Postpartum anxiety can be a very normal thing.
    But it can also be an indicator that you need to speak with your Dr and get some assistance. One of the nurses that leads the new parent support group at my hospital talks very openly about her postpartem anxiety. She said when talking walks she didn't even want to cross the street for fear that they would get hit by a car. Check and see if there is a postpartem support group in your area.

  7. I worry about things constantly now that I have Paisley. I want to put in a storm shelter since we have tornados here, and I feel that our house needs an alarm system even though we live in a nice neighborhood. I can almost see germs in a room if people are coughing or sneezing. So, I'm going to say it's very normal!

  8. I think that it is pretty normal to have those fears....but my big question is, how did you get them to sleep through the night!? I am dying here!i feel like I am never going to sleep again!
    Good luck while your hubby is gone! You're amazing!

  9. Do i have thoughts like that? YES YES YES!!! The crazy things that go through my head on a daily basis could fill a book. The thoughts are pervasive (they don't keep me up at night and I don't obsess over them), but I constantly come up with the worse-case-scenario.
    I have been on Celexa since Sofia was about 6 weeks old. Mostly because I would wake up feeling so anxious about taking care of her all day alone. It has helped GREATLY!!!! It was hard to surrender to the reality that I needed some help, but I'm glad I did.
    It's SO GOOD to hear from you girl! Keep the posts coming! =)

  10. I agree with Cyndi. Those fears are very normal. I still have them, and Bobby and Maya are 15 months old. You will get through it, I promise.

  11. Oh Emily! I am SO glad you posted this. I hope you have read the stuff I posted on my blog about all my anxiety. Maybe it will help to read about all my crazy fears. But I am glad you talked about this stuff cause I have had thoughts that are so disturbing to me and I have to rush the thought out of my head cause it makes me sick. EVERY TIME I have used the scissors since I had my Emily (clarification, lol) I think I will trip and they will land on her. It's a crazy reccuring fear and I sometimes won't even get the scissors. I'll just tear whatever it is instead of cut. I hate thoughts like that cause it makes you feel like WTF DID I JUST THINK THAT FOR?! DO I WANT TO HURT MY BABY?! Like you are thinking about your baby getting hurt. But I agree with what someone else said, I think it's just your mommy protection. You run through crazy scenarios to be able to protect your baby(s) if that crazy thing should happen. Another one I have is that I will drop her. I think "If my arm gave out she would be on the floor in a second and she can't do anything to protect herself". Or I think that I will dump her over the arm of a chair onto the floor or off our bed onto the floor (you can read about that recurring dream on my blog). I also have the thought of squishing her. Terrifies me. We don't sleep with her in our bed ever cause it scares us both. And it's scary to have a thought like that go through your head. I could go on and on about all these crazy fears. And I do believe I have postpartum anxiety. Maybe that is what is causing yours. Every mom I know has told me they had the same thing. I think it is just all in how you are able to cope. I have not used meds cause of breast feeding but I could have really used some anxiety meds since days 1! I am trying to just cope but I still have days that I think about just putting her on formula so I can get on some meds for the anxiety cause it has me in tears some days. But ya, I think these things are normal and I don't try to over analyze them anymore. Maybe our crazy thoughts are exaggerated cause of what we went through to bring our babies into this world. Hang in there and just know that you are the best mommy those girls could ask for!

  12. Also, DH let me take a nice long nap today and I had a dream that I left Emily in her bouncer and went and did something and came back and she was hanging half off the side and about to fall. Those dreams are scary cause they feel very real.