I fully acknowledge that this blog will seem cold and callous to those who are still battling IF, but this blog also serves as my diary of my journey, and it would't be complete without mentioning.....
I am terrified of how my body is going to look after I give birth. I am terrified of how my body is going to look 6 months down the road, 12 months, 2 years. It scares the holy crap out of me.
I am amazed at the changes my body has made to accommodate these two amazing babies. My baby belly is gorgeous and round and I absolutely love it. I've gained a little over 30 lbs and I think I still look fabulous. All that being said, I've watched as my skin has stretched....and not just stretched, but ripped from deep inside. The kinds of stretch marks that are simply painful.
This week the babies must be having a growth spurt, because the painful stretch marks have resumed their spread up my stomach and hips. Today I noticed that the skin around my belly button ring (don't worry...it's a maternity piercing made out of flexible plastic) is starting to stretch from the piercing hole up my stomach.
I am fully aware that with (hopefully) 9 more weeks of pregnancy, my stomach will likely stretch even more. I have this fear though that after all of the swelling goes down postpartum, my skin is going to be a hot mess. It is going to hang and look gross. It's going to constantly hang over pants. It's going to make me never want to be naked. And worst of all it's going to make my husband not see my body the same way. I know it seems silly, but how can someone else love your body if you can't love it yourself.
I pray all of my worrying is for nothing and that besides the stretch marks and having a flabbier belly, but body returns to something that resembles normal.
This morning, I did find an amazing website called Shape of a Mother which is a bloggers way of showing off the post-pregnancy "secret." It was quite inspiring to know that not everyone walks away from pregnancy without stretch marks...and not everyone gains the "perfect" amount of weight during their pregnancy....and not everyone looks like a super model 1 week after giving birth. It was quite inspiring. I encourage anyone that is expecting and has some of the worries that I do to check it out.
About Me
- Emily
- Nashville, TN, United States
- I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.
Great post. We all share these fears as we watch our bodies transform in ways we never imagined. Of course we are all so thankful for the babies we get the chance to carry, but it's still a bit terrifying that we'll never look like ourselves again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting the link to that site. Very interesting!
Just remember you have two cuties in there and not one! Of course you're going to look different after giving birth ... I think everyone does, but I can guarantee with you still being young that you'll bounce back without a problem.
ReplyDeleteEmily..... to me, these are not cold and callus thoughts, but rather the truth. i understand, and would frankly feel the same way you do!
ReplyDeletedon't stress about it....
and by the way... you look BEAUTIFUL as a pregnant lady :D
I am SO feeling like this, it's insane. It's sucha hard thing to blog about in IF blogland, but it's such a real challenge to my journey. I need to read that article because I can't tell you how many times I've broken down in distress about my current and future body. I already never want DH to see or touch my poor b00bies thanks to the new shape and lovely stretch marks, even though he says it isn't a big deal. It is to me. UGH.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you're feeling. When I was pregnant I keep googling photos of women pregnant with quads (well, their post-partum belly shots) and freaking out. I was terrified. But I think your mind automatically goes to the worst case scenario when more than likely you WILL get most of your shape back with a little work. Yes, it may have stretch marks or look a little different, but the odds that it will be like those worst-case-scenario shots are small. And you'll have two bundles of joy to distract you! =)
ReplyDeleteBut don't feel guilty about your worries, they're totally legitimate and you have every right to them just like any other pregnant woman!!
*hugs*
Only a single. I gained 33 lbs and my belly was huge. With lots of swelling in other places. It took every single day of 6 weeks for the swelling to go away. Seriously my 6 week appointment was the first time I was able to wear my wedding ring! As for the belly, it won't go down as fast as you hope. At 6 weeks, it will look better though. My little boy is almost 4 months old, the stretch marks are still there but they have lost all their color. I do have a loose, giggly muffin top. I do not like it. But with just a few trips to the gym, I am seeing improvement already.
ReplyDeleteIt will take an entire 6 weeks before you will be anywhere near your old self. After 6 weeks, you will stabilize and you will know what you have to work with.
A very honest post Emily.
ReplyDelete**hugs**
Thank you so much for your honesty. I love how real you are in this post. I have been following your blog for a while but have never commented. I am expecting twins in November. I can identify with a lot of what you are expressing in this post. After my first pregnancy, my body bounced back fairly quickly I did have to work my a** off. ughhhh. Anyways, love your blog!!! xoxo
ReplyDelete