I fully acknowledge that this blog will seem cold and callous to those who are still battling IF, but this blog also serves as my diary of my journey, and it would't be complete without mentioning.....
I am terrified of how my body is going to look after I give birth. I am terrified of how my body is going to look 6 months down the road, 12 months, 2 years. It scares the holy crap out of me.
I am amazed at the changes my body has made to accommodate these two amazing babies. My baby belly is gorgeous and round and I absolutely love it. I've gained a little over 30 lbs and I think I still look fabulous. All that being said, I've watched as my skin has stretched....and not just stretched, but ripped from deep inside. The kinds of stretch marks that are simply painful.
This week the babies must be having a growth spurt, because the painful stretch marks have resumed their spread up my stomach and hips. Today I noticed that the skin around my belly button ring (don't worry...it's a maternity piercing made out of flexible plastic) is starting to stretch from the piercing hole up my stomach.
I am fully aware that with (hopefully) 9 more weeks of pregnancy, my stomach will likely stretch even more. I have this fear though that after all of the swelling goes down postpartum, my skin is going to be a hot mess. It is going to hang and look gross. It's going to constantly hang over pants. It's going to make me never want to be naked. And worst of all it's going to make my husband not see my body the same way. I know it seems silly, but how can someone else love your body if you can't love it yourself.
I pray all of my worrying is for nothing and that besides the stretch marks and having a flabbier belly, but body returns to something that resembles normal.
This morning, I did find an amazing website called Shape of a Mother which is a bloggers way of showing off the post-pregnancy "secret." It was quite inspiring to know that not everyone walks away from pregnancy without stretch marks...and not everyone gains the "perfect" amount of weight during their pregnancy....and not everyone looks like a super model 1 week after giving birth. It was quite inspiring. I encourage anyone that is expecting and has some of the worries that I do to check it out.