About Me

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Nashville, TN, United States
I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Things no one tells you about being a new mom....

1. Your house will be a mess always...no matter how much cleaning you do, it will be a mess.
2. Your body will never look the same again.
3. Your house will take on a funky odor....a mixture of poop and vomit.
4. Two words-mom nipples.
5. Shaving your legs is a luxury, not a right...and you will master the art of the "rapid shave." This consists of shaving the fronts only and hoping no on notices.
6. You will live bottle to bottle.
7. Hemmeroids.
8. Sex.  What is that?
9. You suddlenly feel compelled to talk about poop consistency.
10. However long it used to take you to leave the house...quadruple that.
11. Sleep trumps all.  It is better than food, sex, or oxygen.
12. You know marshal arts.  Just wait until some stranger tries to touch your baby for the first time.
13. You notice every cough and sniffle in the room and now realize that everyone is disgusting because no one washes their hands.
14. The idea of tossing your maternity clothes is sad.  Why doesn't everyone jsut wear maternity pants. Hello...no muffin top!
15. You will eat cold food pretty much all of the time.
16. Wine is your best friend.
17. After someone has been elbows deep in your cookie, whipping a boob out in public doesn't seem like such a big deal. 


  1. I feel you on #3 -- OMG esp after a GI bug. I light candles all the time, it's so embarrassing, my house smells like one big fart.

    Also I totally get you on #16. I keep a BOX of wine in the fridge and it is GONE by the end of the week. I am drinking a glass as I was reading this and started laughing when I saw you wrote that! haha

  2. #9 & #15 yes, yes, yes

    Plus, there has to be one about how without exception you will not get through a day without some sort of bodily fluid not your own on your clothing. And how you will be unable to leave the house without changing at least one article of clothing thanks to the above, thus contributing to #10.

  3. So very true!! All of it. Sad, but true. LOL

  4. I have found #2 to be unfortunately true. Wish you were wrong. And I love #12 because I have definitely found out how quickly I can move her away from the lips of a dirty stranger heading for my baby's forehead. Are you kidding me???

  5. I can't wait for all of this!!

  6. I love this post!! I was reading it at 2 in the morning while pumping! LOL!!! It made me laugh and every word of it is soooo true!!

  7. Thank you for that frightfull post. Please expand on the nipples comment. What happens to them?

  8. #2 is currently my biggest one, followed by a no thank you on the sex.

  9. And yet it's the greatest joy! =)

  10. love love love this!! SOOO TRUE!

  11. Hi Emily! It's Rachael from SC. I can't believe I never found your blog before (I linked here from Jennie's blog).

    This list is too funny!

    I hope your return to work is going OK

  12. Thanks for posting. Helps give hope to me. I'm getting ready to start the IVF process.