So I have breastfed for the last time. I've decided that the amount of milk I am making is no longer worth it in relation to the amount of time it takes to pump. I LOVE breastfeeding my daughters even though I couldn't provide them with much. It was such an amazing experience to have them at my chest and be able to nourish them. But now they are taking 6oz each and on a good session I can only pump 3 oz. The problem is, when I breastfeed one, by the time I go to give them a bottle they have tired themselves out....so breastfeeding is becoming a defeating task for my girls.
I don't know why I am grieving the inability to breastfeed so much. I am welling up with tears thinking about the fact that I am wearing a sports bra to compress my chest and dry up my little bit of milk. It feels like failure I guess.
I am fully aware that I am overreacting. I just never imagined that this choice would be so difficult!
About Me
- Emily
- Nashville, TN, United States
- I am a mom to amazing twin girls, a wife, and I work full time. I battled infertility for 2 years and over the course of treatments, a twin pregnancy, and raising twins I managed to gain about 80 lbs. I’ve lost about 50 lbs so far and would like to lose another 50 in my quest to become a hot mama.
I don't plan to stop pumping til she's 6 months and I will stop nursing at night once she is a year or so. Or when my milk is gone, whichever is first. But I am already sad at the thought of it being over. I'm not sure why it makes us feel this way but I guess I'm just saying that you are totally not alone and it IS NOT a failure. You've given them a great start! And you deserve props for breastfeeding with twins at all! A lot of twin moms don't even bother or give up way earlier cause it IS so hard. It's hard with one! I can't say I would have lasted as long as you if I were feeding 2. It was a real struggle for both Emily and myself to get breastfeeding down. You had two babies to learn with! So just be proud of what you have given them. I think it's just overall hard to have to let your milk dry up. It's like you're letting go of a little piece of the early days and special moments with your girls. I think in just a primitive sense it's also hard cause we have a natural desire to feed our babies that way. When my milk came in after I lost Addison it really screwed me up...more than I already was. Breast milk and boobies are a powerful thing! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean! I truly grieved when I stopped. I felt like a defect for not being able to privide more of my own milk. What really killed me was when Sofia would turn her head to my breast (out of reflex)! It broke my heart! But that passed quickly and now we're all way happier.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and know that you're doing what's best for your girls! =)
I feel like it's going to be hard on me because it'll be one less thing that only I can give her. Not that formula isn't a great alternative. I think every breastfeeding mama struggles with this. I'm proud of you for feeding twins for this long!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are overreacting. And grief is a very valid emotion to feel. You are a superwoman for persevering for as long as you have.
ReplyDeleteStupid IF stealing yet one more thing...
I understand how your feeling but i just wanted to tell you, stopping breastfeeding was the best thing I did. I got more sleep instead of pumping and that meant a happier mommy and more time to spend with them instead of hooked up to my pump!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to BF for 2 years... I got 3 months. It was so heartbreaking to let go, but at some point, I had to do what was best for Bobby and Maya- and for me- and that was stopping. You arent overreacting at all. It is very hard!
ReplyDeleteI know i'm REALLY delayed on this... I was only able to BF for 3 weeks. Despite how much i loved it too, PCOS got the best of me again and i was making almost nothing for brayden. no matter how much i pumped or fed i would only get 1/2 oz at a pump session. we had to suppliment a full bottle after each feed. So i give you SO much credit for Bf'ing TWINS, hope you are feeling better about it! i know i beat myself up SO bad. It really is an amazing thing!
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