Keep your eye on the prize

So DH gave me the "test" progesterone shot last Wednesday. It went surprisingly well. I will admit that I got myself completely worked up and started to cry before he did it. My wonderful husband was an absolute trooper....I know he hates needles, but he calmed me down and gave me the shot like a pro. He looked me in the eyes and told me to "keep your eyes on the prize." He said whenever I get scared or nervous to just think about why we are doing all of this. He couldn't be more right. I am so blessed to have such a level headed DH. I think the build up was WAY worse than the actual shot. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt, because it did. He did it just like a dart. Doing it quickly made the prick of the needle actually breaking the skin much more tolerable. He pushed the progesterone in oil really slow though and I think next time we will try to push it a little bit faster because it because quite uncomfortable having a needle in my butt cheek that long. The next day my bootie was tender, but nothing unmanageable.

This past weekend we went to St. Louis to see DH's sister and our nephews. We had a great time playing with them. They are absolute balls of energy. I also had the chance to talk to my sister in law about all of our infertility issues. It was quite nice because I don't think she really realized how much trouble we are having. It's easy from an outsiders perspective to say things like "How's the baby making coming" or "Are you pregnant yet" and not really realize how hurtful those phrases can be, so it was nice for her to have a glimpse into how painful this process has been for her baby brother and myself.

We also met up with some good friends that drove in to St. Louis as well. We had a great time...drank way too much (which I am taking full advantage of since I am not supposed to drink starting in a few days.

We are officially a few days away from being "in-cycle" for our IVF protocol. I take birth control through this Wednesday and then wait for AF to arrive. At that point our money in whole is due to the clinic. Then the fun begins!

Show me the goods...

Well all of my drugs arrived yesterday. I guess we have officially crossed the first hurdle.

I can't believe this cost $1,500



Hubby decided he wanted to build a "fertility castle" out of everything. He's so cute it kills me sometimes!


Well tonight DH gives me the trial shot of progesterone in Olive Oil. I'll keep you posted!

First comes love, then comes marriage, then come the baby...oh wait, no...no it doesn't...

Ok, I am on my new serious kick to blog daily or close to it. I am so young, but really have experienced so much during this TTC journey. If I can touch just one person with my blog, then the plan God has for me is serving its purpose (as painful and financially draining as this “journey” is). So let’s do the catch up.

Our last IUI failed. We had SOO much hope that it had worked…but alas…it didn’t. I was rather devastated this time around because we had 3 follies and awesome counts (well awesome by male factor standards). I did have an inkling that it didn’t take though.

After this failed round, DH went in to have his counts and everything looked at. My RE called and suggested that given his counts and my PCOS, we skip the 3rd try with injects and move on to IVF. In all honesty, I don’t know why people that have multiple factors (PCOS and male factor) aren’t just encourage to save their money and start with IVF. It’s a business I guess…and they milked us for 3K each inject/IUI cycle….but I have not known one cyster with male factor to get pregnant this way.

So Randy and I went to our IVF class (that is required by our fertility center). $216 later, I am scared out of my mind. I don’t think I realized quite how many needles I’d be sticking in myself or that the progesterone in oil needle is an 22g and it goes in your butt.

Our RE has recommended doing the long IVF protocol (Lupron and the works) and ICSI. They went ahead and ordered all of our meds. We actually faired pretty well. The clinic told us to anticipate close to a $3000 medication bill. It only came out to be $1587. It arrived at my husbands’ job today. I don’t think I realized going into this quite how expensive this whole thing is. Here’s the breakdown for our IVF procedure:

• Nashville Fertility Center 3000.00
• Reproductive Specialty Lab 3500.00
• NFC Surgery Center 2300.00
• Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) 1450.00
• Lupron 2 week kit 99.00
• Follistim 300 (7 cartridges) 1240.00
• Tetracycline 10.00
• Medrol dose pack 15.00
• Ovidrel Hcg shots (2) 179.98
• Progesterone in Olive Oil (2) 15.00
• Package of 22g needles 12.00
• Package of 18g needles 12.00
• Syringes 5.00
o GRAND TOTAL: $11,837

Damn it makes me cringe to type that out….but I guess everyone going into it needs to know. DH and I have ZERO insurance coverage for the procedure or meds. The only things that were covered were the antibiotics, steroids, and progesterone in oil.

Because I had a massive allergic reaction to progesterone suppositories (I had a Steven’s Johnsons reaction) that put me in the hospital, they want me to test taking the progesterone in oil shot one time tomorrow night to ensure that I don’t have an anaphylactic reaction to it. Since DH and I took the past two cycles off to prepare for IVF, we agreed that testing it before dumping thousands of dollars into the cycle would be a really good idea. The idea of plunging an entire 22g needle into my ass makes me cringe. The more I watch the “how to video” the more nervous I get. DH is going to give it to me just because of the location (and because I am a total chicken).

Well here’s goes nothing! I’ll keep you posted; )

Blogging....for real this time!

I have this awful habit of stopping my blogging every time I find out I'm not pregnant. So you have probably guessed...I'm not pregnant.

IVF here we come! We've officially been told that IVF is our only hope in getting pregnant. I plan on blogging about it every step of this painful and expensive journey!

I am so full of chit

So this time around I promised myself I wouldn't obsess over every single twinge and cramp I feel....and I am obviously full of it! I did good for the first 4 days of the 2ww...but now I am obsessing..."Oh god, I have cramps, it's only CD6, better brace for AF"

Infertility sucks! Why can't I just get knocked up and be all shocked and awed over it! Instead I get to stress and have mini panic attacks over every cramp. Shitty.

In other news, I believe I may have pissed of a friend of mine who just doesn't understand that I don't give a rats ass about all of our friends that have had babies and how his wife's surprise pregnancy is going. I told him I love him to death, but he will never understand what my husband and I are going through and how gut wrenching it is to hear about everyone else's happy pregnancies. I don't want to see your ultrasound pictures and I don't want to know how big your baby is getting. Callous, perhaps...but at this point in our journey, I simply don't care anymore!

Other than that...looking forward to the weekend. We are going to have some friends over for dinner tonight. I am making a Cuban food feast! We might go down to the marina and hang out, maybe take our boat out for a night cruise....guess we'll play it by ear. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend on the water...some time to not think about whether I am or am not pregnant.

Have a good weekend everyone!

IUI #3

So to follow-up my previous post, we had to have an IUI while we were on our Florida trip. I would like to share how fun (and my fun I mean suicide provoking) it is to find a doctor that is not your own to do an IUI on you on a Saturday. Anyways, after many many phone calls and curse words my mom actually found one that would do it for us.

I LOVED this doc. He took 30 minutes just siting with DH and I to explain exactly what PCOS is. Ever since I was diagnosed, no on has ever done that with me. I have learned all I know from the internet. I suppose it is kind of like sex in high school....

So DH's counts were REALLY up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost cried when he read us our numbers. Here are the stats from our past 2 IUIs
Stats IUI w/ Follistim in April IUI w/ Follistim on June 6
Post Wash Count 4 Million 10 Million
Motility 0% 70%

I am in absolute shock and awe over the numbers.

Anyways, the last E2 I had done was the Tuesday before and it was up to 952 and I had a 16, 15, and a 13. Based on those results they wanted me to coast on Wednesday and trigger Thursday night. The doc in Florida said I'd definitely have 2, if not 3 follies release. He even let my husband do the insemination...well I mean, he placed the catheter and let him put the sperm in. Crazy nice. The whole experience was just night and day from what it has been.

So I am no 3 DPO. I have decided this time around I am not going to obsess over it like I have in the past. I am going to keep on keeping on which includes drinking caffeine and alcohol and eating sushi. I'll tell you what, going in with that mind set has made all the difference in the world. So glad I decided to do that.

Anyways, the hubster is out of town till Thursday, so I have high hopes of getting my house clean and taking care of things I've been meaning to do for a while!

Fun in the Sun

So we just got back from a trip to Florida. Don't get all jealous...it was a trip to my best friends wedding. It was quite chaotic. Didn't get nearly as much time in the sun as I had hoped.
We stayed at the Diamond Head on Ft. Myers Beach. The hotel was fantastic...although, when we got done with it it smelled quite a bit like a frat house.




The wedding was beautiful. It definitely made everyone a little misty eyed since her mom passed away several months ago. I'll post some pics as soon as I get around to it (which I fully acknowledge I suck at)

Other than that, DH and I completed a super fun race called "Muddy Buddy." It was 7 miles of torture (biking, running, and obstacles) in some horrendous terrain. Felt good to finish though!

We are now preparing for our next race...a Triathlon in 2 weeks. Joy!