Two Gifts from a Petri Dish

Little Four Eyes

2012-01-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months we have noticed that Stella’s eyes have become increasingly crossed. Her right eye would drift towards her nose while her left eye would stay centered.

Last week we took her to the Pediatric Ophthalmology Specialists at Vanderbilt. She had her eyes dilated for the first time and had a series of vision screenings and light refraction tests. We learned that Stella is like most toddlers in that she is farsighted….but she is very very very farsighted. +6.00 and +5.75 correction to be exact.

The doctor put lenses over both Randy and I’s eyes to show us how she sees. We were quite surprised to learn that she can’t really see much of anything beyond her fingertips. At the doctors recommendation, we ordered her glasses. Cute little pink all plastic glasses.

Stella’s glasses finally arrived yesterday. She got to wear them for the first time last night. Her response was both priceless and emotional. To see her actually see for the first time was amazing. She turned her head every which way as soon as those glasses were on and soaked it all in.

The rest of the evening was of course an uphill battle in which she would take them off and we would put them back on and her sister would take them off and we would put them back on. I think we have our work cut out for us in this house.

The next few weeks will be telling. We will follow-up with her doctor to see how she is progressing. If things don’t progress then Stella will wear a patch over her good eye to help strengthen her weak eye. The end of the line is surgery to bring the eye back to the center. We of course are hoping and praying that the glasses will be the solution! We have found a great network of parents through a forum called “Little Four Eyes.” It’s a great resource for any parent going through the same thing.

More to come in the coming weeks, but here is our little glasses wearing baby genius (because let’s face it….glasses make you look smart: )

Little 4-eyes

2012-01-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

My little 4-eyes

Hearing your kid isn’t “perfect” is something that no parent ever wants to hear. So when I began to notice Stella’s eyes crossing about 3 months ago, I told myself it was all in my head. I mentioned it to my husband and he sort of agreed that maybe they were “a little” crossed. Over the next few weeks I thought it was getting worse (or I had just grown more sensitive to it). About a month later a therapist that comes to the girl’s daycare to work with another little boy left me a hand written note saying she had noticed her eyes were crossed and she would be happy to do therapy with her. Shit. That meant that it was not all in my head. My perfect daughter actually has crossed eyes.

Fast forward to yesterday. We had Stella's ophthalmology specialist appointment. They brought us back and dilated her eyes. It was interesting because the doctor showed us how if you put your hand in front of her crossed eye she doesn’t even notice, but if you put your hand in front of her straight eye she swats your hand away. We came to learn that she is cross eyed because she is so far sighted she is essentially using only one eye to see and the crossed eye is trying to compensate.

The doctor looked in her eyes and got a prescription. She also placed two lenses over my eyes to show me how she sees. It broke my heart. She literally can only see large shapes. Everything is so blurry.

We took her prescription and ordered her glasses. The doctor says the vision loss she has experienced is reversible at this time. We hope to see her eyes getting straighter over the course of a few weeks. We have a follow-up appointment in 6 weeks. At that time if her eye is still crossed she will have to wear a patch. And at the end of the road if the patch cannot correct it she will need to have surgery.

Here are the glasses we ordered:

I know it seems so insignificant, but my heart is breaking. My perfect little girl has never really seen my face. She will never look just like her sister because she will have glasses. People are going to stare at her. Kids are going to take her glasses from her. Her script is so strong that her eyes will look HUGE.

These all seem like such superficial things to be worried about, but as a parent I can’t help it.

50 Rules for dads of Daughters (awesome!)

2011-12-21T11:54:00.001-08:00

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters {by Michael Mitchell}

August 30, 2011 by Christine - From Dates to Diapers
Filed under guest post

306 Comments

Hello there Facebook friend! If you like this post, please help spread the word by sharing this post with your friends. Thanks for visiting!

I was in tears as I read through this list, as I’m sure many grown daughters will be. Mothers – bookmark this list of rules and encourage your daughter’s daddy to read them, memorize them, and put them in to action. And, to all you Dads out there – be sure you pay close attention and heed these wise words.

About Michael
Michael Mitchell is an (almost) thirty-something dad who blogs daily tips and life lessons for dads of daughters at lifetoheryears.com. He spends his days practicing the arts of fatherhood and husbandry, while attempting to be a man of God and a professional raiser of philanthropic funds. On the rare occasion he’s not tied up with the aforementioned and other pursuits of awesomeness, he enjoys fighting street gangs for local charities and drinking from a cup that’s half full. Bookmark Life To Her Years, follow Michael on Twitter, and “like” him on Facebook for more “rules”.

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.

13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

Photo Credit :: Danielle Rocke Toews

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink

2 years ago.

2011-12-15T16:58:00.000-08:00

Mel over at Stirrup Queens put up a thought provoking post about what you were doing 2 years ago. She also mentioned campaigning for Obama (so I now like her blog even more!).

It's interesting to think how much life has changed in just 2 short years. This time 2 years ago I posted about going to a Christmas boat parade and then bitched about how everyone around me was getting pregnant and I was then 30K in the hole. Little did I know that I would finally get my BFP a few weeks later.

We hate Santa!

2011-12-12T06:40:00.001-08:00

One day you will have a kid just like you....

2011-12-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

And I do.

This weekend I walked into my bathroom to discover that Harper had gotten my high heels out of my closet one at at a time and lined them up along the edge of the tub. She turned, looked at me, smiled, and pushed them into the tub all at once. Before I could open my mouth, she turned the water on in the tub all while smiling.

I have figured out which one is going to be my button pusher!

PS-The blog about our trip to Hawaii will follow soon. I am still too traumatized to write about the experience.

Double ear infection

2011-11-14T13:41:00.000-08:00

Well not really "double ear infections"....it's single ear infections in each kid making them double cranky and inconsolable. It's fun. Lots and lots of fun. ::inserts bottle of wine in mouth::

I am hoping we can get these kids healthy soon because we leave for vacation next week.

For anyone that has taken a 7+ (10 hours of travel time) flight before with toddlers, please tell me your secrets! I am losing hair thinking about this flight.

Home Depot is boring

2011-11-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Personhood Bill

2011-11-08T07:10:00.001-08:00

As a quick FYI. If you create a post about voting "yes" on Mississippi's personhood bill, I will promptly unfollow your blog. You are an IFer and you should know better.

Sincerely,
Educated angry owner of frozen embryos

My daughter did what???

2011-10-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

I arrived at daycare to pick up the girls yesterday. When I opened the door, Stella took off running down the hallway. After chasing her down the hall and carrying her back to the classroom, I looked at Harper who was sitting on the floor smiling up at me and said "Hey lazy, when are you going to start walking." Her teacher looked at me and said "Who? That one [pointing at Harper]. She's been walking all over the classroom today but she won't do it if you ask her to."

Seriously...my kid can walk and I've never seen her do it. What a stinker!

My big girls

2011-10-20T06:31:00.001-07:00

My girls are getting so big right before my eyes. I still can't believe that I have toddlers. The ones that don't need me constantly but can play all by themselves and push away when I try to hug them. They are doing new things every day that just amaze me.

Stella

Walking....well running now. She went from one step here and there to running in 2 short weeks.
She loves giving kisses...or at least I think they are kisses....ok, actually she likes to open her mouth and try to bite my lips will drooling all over me. I'll take it.
She is the bully. She loves to push her sister down if she is in the way and doesn't think twice about doing it.
When I ask her to say mama she smiles at me and whispers "dada"...maybe because she knows how bad I want her to say mama. It's really funny.
She is such a good eater. She will eat her meat and veggies without a fight. It's awesome.
She has 4 teeth and a 5th on the way.
She's wearing size 3 diapers and 18 month clothing.

Harper

She has taken single steps at a time but really just lets her body weight fall over and hopes someone catches her. She'll get there soon I'm sure.
She is my snuggler, especially when she is tired. I love curling up with her because she doesn't push away.
She leaves her sister alone with the exception of slapping. She LOVES slapping people. Perhaps its the sound it makes, but there is nothing she loves more than giving her sis a big ole' slap across the face while they are bathing.
She is our vocal baby. She just looks at me and talks on and on in her baby language. I am sure she is telling me something. What I don't know. The girls seem to understand each other. She can say "mama" "dada" "dog" and "cock." Seriously.....I am still appalled that that is one of her words. In all fairness it was because dad was talking about his rooster shirt which he jokingly said "Hey honey, look at this big cock." Lesson learned.
She is my finicky eater. I usually put only the meat and veggies on their trays. She will have a standoff with me until she gets fruit complete with scattering all of the meat and veggies all over the tray and floor with her hands. She will eat almost any fruit you put in front of her though.
She has only 2 teeth and possibly 1 top one coming in.
She is wearing size 3 diapers and 18 month clothing as well.

Wedding Photo Shoot Redo

2011-10-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

So a few months ago we won this contest to have our wedding photos redone by the gal that take our girls photos. The shoot was yesterday. Check out the preview....so awesome!!
Wedding Photo Redo
(And yes....that is my original wedding dress....it fit....which I find amazing!)

Wordpress

2011-09-29T07:41:00.001-07:00

Honestly, it looks like WordPress is so much more user friendly. Almost makes me want to take the plunge. Almost. Anyone else thought this?

F*cktards

2011-09-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

Given that this post is sensitive...I posted in Wordpress.

Leave a comment with your email addy for the password. Enjoy this little gem and be glad you don't have to deal with this kind of crazy.

Too much crazy in my life!

So appalled.

2011-09-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

I am pro-choice. Always have and always will be. I am also the mom to 9 remaining snow babies. They are mine to do with what I please... whether it be to use them, donate them, give them science, or destroy them. They are the product of my husband and I and to think that a state could take that decision away from me scares the shit out of me.

I suppose next men can't do the 5 knuckle shuffle without being charged with washing half of a potential baby down the drain. Or maybe having a period will be outlawed.

PS-any "you are a sick murder for being pro-choice" or crazy Bachmann like comments on this post will be removed...and probably made fun of.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/12/mississippi-personhood-law-abortions_n_959100.html

Big life choices.

2011-09-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

Why can’t life be simple? When your biggest decision for the day was whether to wear the light up sneakers or the sparkle sneakers or to go to the prom in a limo or a stretch limo. Life was easy then…in hindsight that is. I won’t pretend that those decisions weren’t monumental when I was a kid.

High school came and went in the blink of an eye as did college. And here I sit with a bachelor’s degree that is worthless on its own-psychology. And a quarter of a Master’s program is behind me as a nurse practitioner.

I am currently working as a research compliance analyst. In a nutshell my job is research ethics. It consists of working with Doctors, Nurses, Pharmaceutical Companies and Federal agencies to create comprehensive research protocols that meet all of the federal, state, etc guidelines. Basically-I read research protocols and consents all day and send my feedback back to the study staff with what I think they need to change in order to get their study approved. Then I take it to a panel of doctors and nurses who review it and vote on it.

I’ve been doing this job (or some form of this job) for 5 years now. I really isn’t a bad gig at all. I make very good money , work from home 2 days a week, and for the most part have a pretty stress-free job. But there is something inside of me that is screaming that this isn’t enough. That I am not happy. That this job doesn’t make a difference in the world.

2 years ago I went back to school for my Masters part time to become a nurse practitioner. I finished my first year and then they told me that they could no longer accommodate my work schedule with their clinical rotation schedule. So I dropped out. Taking care of my family’s needs will always come first and foremost. In those 2 years I had the twins. Now that life is beginning to resemble something normal again, I am finding this drive to go back to school.

A few weeks ago I applied to a different master’s program. It is a distance program at Loyola in Health Law. It would set me up to continue my work in research ethics. It is a rather general degree I suppose. DH and I assessed the finances and decided that it was not in the cards this year so I asked for a 1 year deferral which was granted.

In the mean time I started to feel that pull again drawing me back towards medicine and patient care. Yesterday I finally found a program that offers the rest of the classes I need to obtain my BSN at night and on weekends. It is 5 semesters long (if they don’t accept any of the classes I have already taken in the other Master’s program for Nurse Practitioners. ) Classes are 2-3 nights a week from 6-9 pm with Saturday clinicals. This would allow me to become a BSN and work as a nurse and then finish out my last year to obtain my NP degree.

Now here is where the decision part comes in. I have done a good amount of research on salaries for BSN and NPs. I know I shouldn’t make a big life decision on whether to pursue this degree based on how much money I will make…but let’s face it, I have a lot of mouths to feed and I haven’t worked this hard to take steps backwards. Based on the info I have found I will likely take around a 10k paycut to become an RN. And then after 1 more year of schooling I will probably make a bit more than I make in my current career as an NP.

I feel like I would be so much happier working with actual patients than working in research. But I also feel like there is a lot more potential for me to climb the career ladder in my current job. I am grappling with what is more important to me. What is more important to my family? What will give me the most satisfaction with my career?

The other piece I am considering is that as a nurse I can work 3 12 hour shifts a week at night and nix daycare. I know the stress that would put on my me, but it is also time I would get to spend with my girls.

So what are your thoughts? What would you do in this position? If you are a nurse or a nurse practitioner what advice can you offer? What are realistic salary expectations for a new nurse?

So many questions.

Finally-you can’t have a infertility/baby blog without picture of babies….

1 year photo shoot.

2011-08-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone?!?!!?

Infant photos:

1 year photos:

Harper says her first word....

2011-07-08T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have no words....

Pictures from the Nanny

2011-06-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

I LOVE our nanny. Sadly we only have her for the summer because she is a college student. But she constantly takes photos of them throughout the day. Here's a few of those.

How is their first birthday around the corner?!?!

2011-06-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ordered their first birthday cards. It made me a little teary eyed to think that they are almost 1 year old already. Where has the time gone. I used to have two tiny little babies that I could lay down and know they would be exactly where I left them. Now.....I have one that is crawling like it's her job, pulling herself up, and walking around furniture and on occasion forgetting she can't actually walk and letting go of the furniture in an attempt to move to another piece of furniture. The other barrel rolls across the floor and screams in a frequency that dogs 10 miles away can hear to make everyone look at her.

They interact with each other. They will poke each other in the belly and laugh or give each other big gummy licks on the face which they think is hilarious. They love the pool. I mean LOVE the pool. We can dunk them underwater and they don't even flinch. They eat solid foods. They seem to not want baby food anymore but will eat the hell out of some pasta salad and shredded meats. Stella can hold her own bottle and doesn't even want to let me hold it anymore and Harper has figured out that being lazy pays and mom will hold her bottle.

They are like legit little humans. Seriously. When did this happen!!!!!

Too cute for words....

2011-06-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

Doing it for real

2011-05-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

I always thought gaining just the recommended weight during my pregnancy for twins would make it easy for it to just melt off after they came out. Boy was I wrong. I am still fighting this pesky 16lbs that is being stubborn. Then lets add the 20 pounds I gained from 3 rounds of IVF and all of the drugs. So yeah...I have a lot to lose. But DH and I have been on a kick. We are both logging our calories and activity on My Fitness Pal and are actually seeing some results. We used to try fad diets together all of the time, but after running into an old college friend who had lost a ton of weight she revealed that her and her husband just really tried hard to eat well and hit the gym everyday.

So far I've lost 3lbs since starting my fitness pal, but I feel like it is actually weight that is "real" weight....not water weight like you lose in so many diets.

I am finally ready to get rid of this weight and not feel like a total "mom" anymore! Feel free to follow me if you are on My Fitness Pal too. My user name is Emilymorrisfoster

Wedding photo redo!

2011-05-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

So if I have ever talked to you about my wedding, you probably have head the story about how our photographer was a total scam artist. We did a destination wedding and found this woman on the internet. She had a great website and beautiful pictures...so we thought "what the hell." In case you are curious, are wedding was in Key West and the photographers name is Jennifer Miller. Her website is www.naturalportraitsinparadise.com (the funny thing is it takes you to a BS story about her little scam). So anyways, this woman shows up to our wedding (in jeans) reeking like cigarettes to take our pictures. Fast forward 1 year. We still have no photos. So I called her and asked for the photos. She gives me this long story about how her house burned down and some of negatives burned but some of them were at the photo developers so she would send us those (the offer to send those was after the threat of a lawsuit mind you). So we get this box of photos that stinks like cigarrettes and looks like my 5 year old nephew took. They were AWFUL! I have pictures of almost everyones double chin and even some pictures of a homeless person that was laying on the streets.

So anyways, when our photographer that took the girls baby photos offered a wedding photo redo contest we jumped on it! We are in the final 3 couples elgibile to win! She has left the decision up to her followers. So if you have some time, please go to Brooke Kelly's Facebook Page and "like" her site. Then click on Wedding Photo Contest and click on the first picture "Randy and Emily" and "like" it. As you can see, the photo was taken with a keyhole lens (as were most of our pictures) and is actually backwards. Look at the text on the southermost point. I would really appreciate all of the support we can get!!

Totally screwed up....

2011-05-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yes...this is my kids daycare. Not sure what the hell to do now! There is a special place in hell for these women.

Child Abuse

Statatory Rape

Diaper rash woes.

2011-03-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

My little Harper has the WORST diaper rash I think I have ever encountered in my life. She has been battling some kind of stomach ailment for the past 5 days which is causing her to have a BM every single diaper (I'd say about 10-12 a day). It is just awful. Her little butt is SO red it is actually starting to form a scab. I have tried everything....Butt paste, Desitin, A&D, Vitamin E, plain water, letting it air dry...but nothing seems to be helping.

Mom's-any idea what else I could try? I am running on 2 hours of sleep today because of all of her crying last night!!!

Seriously....

2011-03-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

What kind of person am I. I have not written a blog since January. Have I become that blogger that stops writing once I have kids. I swore I wouldn't!

There are seriously not enough hours in the day. Here is a summary of my day
5am-get up, showered, ready for work
5:30am-help DH get the girls up and changed for school
6am-finish getting ready, grab my coffee and head out the door (while DH feeds and takes the girls to school)
7am-work
4pm-leave work
5:15ish-pick the girls up from daycare
5:30-get home and let the girls play
6pm: wash bottles and make more bottles and get the girls dinner ready
6:15: feed the girls dinner
6:45: try to feed myself dinner while the girls usually fuss and cry. Retry at 7pm to eat a cold dinner
7pm: give the girls baths
7:30: Girls take a short nap. I clean up the dinner/bath time mess
8pm: DH and I feed the girls their bed time bottles
8:30: put the girls to bed
10-11pm Pass out. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

It wears me out just thinking about it.

Lets see, major updates:

Sleeping: the girls now sleep in their big girl bed. They sleep through the night and wake up around 5:30 or 6am typically.
Eating: they now eat about 7oz every 4 hours. They also have a bowl of cereal in the morning and a fruit or veggie and cereal at night. So far in our food arsenal we have green beans, carrots, peas (which were not well tolerated), squash, mangoes, bananas, and sweet potatoes. They LOVE their solid foods. We have also started to practice with a sippy cup. They haven't quite mastered it yet.
Movement: Harper has figured out that she can roll from place to place. Stella is still not that into it. They are scooting a little bit on their bellies but aren't close to crawling yet. They can sit up pretty well but topple over quickly.
Things they love: Their light up toys, pulling on the dogs ears, flirting, laughing at each other, touching faces, making weird scream noises (they seriously sound like gremlins)

I am so in love with these two little girls. I never thought it was possible to feel love like this.

As for me, I am still hanging on to about 15lbs of baby weight that I can't seem to shake. It's pissing me off, but truth be told I have no time to work out so I am not going to beat myself up.

Work has been going well. Sadly, I enjoy the little bit of "me" time that it provides during the day.

That is a brief synopsis of what's been going on in our Household.

Things no one tells you about being a new mom....

2011-01-15T11:14:00.000-08:00

1. Your house will be a mess always...no matter how much cleaning you do, it will be a mess.
2. Your body will never look the same again.
3. Your house will take on a funky odor....a mixture of poop and vomit.
4. Two words-mom nipples.
5. Shaving your legs is a luxury, not a right...and you will master the art of the "rapid shave." This consists of shaving the fronts only and hoping no on notices.
6. You will live bottle to bottle.
7. Hemmeroids.
8. Sex. What is that?
9. You suddlenly feel compelled to talk about poop consistency.
10. However long it used to take you to leave the house...quadruple that.
11. Sleep trumps all. It is better than food, sex, or oxygen.
12. You know marshal arts. Just wait until some stranger tries to touch your baby for the first time.
13. You notice every cough and sniffle in the room and now realize that everyone is disgusting because no one washes their hands.
14. The idea of tossing your maternity clothes is sad. Why doesn't everyone jsut wear maternity pants. Hello...no muffin top!
15. You will eat cold food pretty much all of the time.
16. Wine is your best friend.
17. After someone has been elbows deep in your cookie, whipping a boob out in public doesn't seem like such a big deal.

Merry Christmas to all

2010-12-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

The girls first Christmas was a great success. I'll just let the pictures tell the story.

Before Christmas Eve mass...

Harper...

Stella...

Santas cookies...

Snuggling with mommy and daddy Christmas morning...

Looks like a nuclear fall out...

Mourning the end of the teet

2010-12-15T20:15:00.000-08:00

So I have breastfed for the last time. I've decided that the amount of milk I am making is no longer worth it in relation to the amount of time it takes to pump. I LOVE breastfeeding my daughters even though I couldn't provide them with much. It was such an amazing experience to have them at my chest and be able to nourish them. But now they are taking 6oz each and on a good session I can only pump 3 oz. The problem is, when I breastfeed one, by the time I go to give them a bottle they have tired themselves out....so breastfeeding is becoming a defeating task for my girls.

I don't know why I am grieving the inability to breastfeed so much. I am welling up with tears thinking about the fact that I am wearing a sports bra to compress my chest and dry up my little bit of milk. It feels like failure I guess.

I am fully aware that I am overreacting. I just never imagined that this choice would be so difficult!

While daddy's away the girls will play

2010-12-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

My hubby is out of town for his first business trip since the girls were born. I was so blessed to have him stay in town for as long as I did after they were born. I'd say on average he travels about once a month. He's gone for 4 days and I've been dreading this trip for a few weeks now. So far so good though. Let's hope I can maintain a glimmer of sanity towards the end of the 4th day.

On a positive note, both of the girls have slept through the night for 2 nights in a row. While completely unlikely, it would be really nice if they could continue that streak while there daddy is out of town.

I would also like to get some feedback from my fellow bloggers. Since the girls were born I have had some pretty unrealistic fears that I can't seem to shake. Before I describe these I want to point out that I am in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM thinking about hurting my babies. I always seem to think the worst no matter what I am doing. For example, If I am walking down the stairs with one of them I imagine falling and crushing them. If they are doing tummy time I think that I might trip and squash them. If I am cooking, I think that they may fall in the oven (even though I've never once cooked while holding one of my babies). I also keep having a reoccurring nightmare/thought that my house is going to get broken in to and someone is going to steal my babies and drive away with them. In talking with a friend this past weekend she said she went through the same thing and her doctor put her on Lexapro (which she swears by). I have never thought that I was dealing with any postpartum issues, but now I wonder if my weird thoughts are actually abnormal. I am pretty opposed to taking anti-depressants because I don't think they are a cure all...especially if there isn't anything actually wrong. What are your thoughts on this?

My new shirt

2010-12-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

Today's Woot Shirt was too perfect to pass up! So I had to order it. Some of you IVF'ers will find it funny too I'm sure!

Bracing for the return to work

2010-12-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

I find myself having small panic attacks....a lot lately. The idea of leaving my sweet angels with some stranger I don't know and letting them spend more time with my babies than I do makes me sick to my stomach. The idea that I will only get a few hours with the girls before they have to go the bed after work has me terrified. I know it is still a month off, but I find myself panicking all of the time. I would give anything to be a SAHM, but it's just not possible.

How did you overcome leaving your baby for the first time? I know I have built it up to be a much worse event than it is, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

Moms of multiples are freaks of nature

2010-11-30T14:32:00.000-08:00

Sucky blogger

2010-11-27T10:26:00.000-08:00

To say I have sucked as a blogger would be an understatement. I always despised all of those girls who's blogs I followed and then they dropped off the face of the planet as soon as their babies were born. It made me feel used as a "follower." I now understand why it happens. I sometimes don't have to time to get a shower none the less blog. So for being pissed off at those blogger, I apologize. I get it now.

This are finally starting to get into a groove in our house. The girls are getting SO big. I find myself staring at them wondering where my little 4 lb baby went daily. Both girls are now nearly 10lbs and hitting so many milestones. Both are smiling, Harper is laughing, Stella is learning to play with toys. It's amazing.

I am soaking in my last month of maternity leave. I am so grateful to be able to take 4 months off but I am dreading going back. I find myself having mini panic attacks when I think about it. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom...but that is just not a possibility. I find myself becoming very resentful of our friends that are able to make that life choice.

Both of the girls are getting close to sleeping through the night. We feed them at 8:30 and put them down by 9. They usually sleep until about 1 or 2 and I will get up and put the pacifiers back in their mouths. They usually make it until 4am and then I will bring them into bed with us and they will sleep a little longer. Our bed is like baby ambien. The second they get in it they are dead asleep again. The only problem is I find that having a baby sleep next to me makes me a leaky milk machine. This morning, I woke up to find Harper gnawing on my boob through my shirt. Ravenous beasts!

Breastfeeding is still an uphill "why the hell am I doing this" battle. I am pumping between 2-6 oz each time I pump so I am making enough for one full bottle for each girl right now. They are drinking about 180ml (or 6oz)...so when I divide up my milk they get about 1 oz of breast milk and 5 oz of formula. I guess something is better than nothing. I just can't seem to stop even though I despise pumping. We'll see what happens when I return to work.

Here are a few pics of the girls:

Trying to find my former body

2010-10-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

Well DH and I started P90X 3 weeks ago. I hit a point where the pregnancy weight was just not coming off anymore and I still had about 16lbs left to lose. In total I gained about 45lbs (I am just guessing because in the last 2 or so weeks I didn't bother weighing myself). After 2 weeks of P90X I've lost 5lbs.

I must say the program is really intense. I've never done most of the workouts in the DVDs and you REALLY feel the burn the next day. I am quite surprised with the intensity for a home workout!

I am still rocking the maternity clothing. I've tried several times to put on some of my non-maternity things and they simply don't fit. Some of them will button, but they form such an obscence muffin top that I'd rather not. My goal is to be back into my clothing before I return to work in January which I think is really doable. I am struggling with my abdominal muscles because it split from bottom to top through the middle during the pregnancy. After I gave birth the doctor said there was about a 2 inch gap between the abdominal walls.

I have absolutely no desire to wear a 2 piece suit again but I would like to at least be able to wear normal clothing and look thinner and fit.

So for now I will keep fighting the good fight!

Beer, brats, and babies

2010-10-14T08:37:00.001-07:00

This past weekend was the girls first outdoor activity. We took them to the Nashville Oktoberfest. They were dead asleep through the festival. It gave mom and dad a chance to feel human and enjoy a beer and some sunshine. We are beginning to figure out how difficult maneuvering a double stroller is in crowds.

After the festival we decided to go out to a nice lunch at the Cheesecake factory. We could not have asked the girls to behave better! We ordered our food and then fed the girls their bottles at the table. We did get some odd glares, but if the table is good enough for us to eat at, then it’s good enough for the girls to eat at. They both finished their bottles just as our food came to the table. Harper and Stella sat in their car seats quietly and watched us eat. If you have ever eaten at the Cheesecake factory before, you know how crowded it can get and how long the lines for the bathroom can be (and there is only one changing table inside of the handicapped stall). Unfortunately the long lines in the womens bathroom, meant that dad had to change the girls diapers in the men’s bathroom. Dad was a rock-star and had both girls changed without a hitch. After lunch, the girls enjoyed their first shopping trip at the mall. All in all it was a good day out! We are beginning to feel more comfortable traveling outside of the house with them and incorporating their activities and feedings into ours.
Both girls have also been sleeping really well. They usually go about 4 ours at night before they wake up for their feeding. If they are really fussy, we will put them in our bed and they seem to fall right asleep! I think they like mom and dad’s bed. What do you think?

Frick and Frack Friday

2010-10-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Here are the proofs from yesterdays photoshoot. I can't wait to get the rest of the photos!

Long and thin to double chinned

2010-10-06T15:00:00.001-07:00

Today marks Harper and Stella’s 6th week since they joined our lives. Six weeks ago they came into this world weighing 4lbs, 12 oz (Harper) and 5lbs, 3oz (Stella). At today’s pediatricians appointment Harper weighed 7lbs, 5 1/2 oz and Stella was 7lbs 10oz. It’s amazing to see how much they have changed over the course of a few weeks-from long, skinny, boney babies, to round, chubby, double chinned, healthy babies.
Today also marked mom’s first trip out of the house with the girls. Let me tell you-it takes A LOT of time to get two babies dressed and ready to leave the house. Let’s just say we were a few minutes behind despite leaving 2 hours for the entire “getting ready” process. All in all the first trip out alone went well. No melt downs and no screaming fits.
Now that the temperature is dropping, the girls are getting to wear some of their warm fleece outfits and cute jackets. All of this cold weather has made Randy and I excited to celebrate our first Christmas as a family of 4. Unfortunately, due to the girls prematurity and one of the worst expected flu and RSV seasons, we are not going to be able to travel to see our families this year-something we look forward to every year. So we will be making some of our own traditions and plan to make the most out of our first Thanksgiving and Christmas by ourselves.
And now for some random cuteness:
Harper in her Maya Wrap-the only way mommy can get anything done with a fussy baby
Harper and Stella snuggling in their boppy pillow.

PCOS wins again

2010-10-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed to have my two beautiful daughters. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for these miracles. But PCOS has taken something else from me...the ability to breastfeed.

After struggling for weeks and thinking "just wait, your milk supply will come in," it turns out it won't. I spoke with a lactation consultant who suggested that my infertility is likely the reason for my low milk supply. After looking it up on the internet, it seems that this is a common problem with women with PCOS.

I tried all of the supplements, teas, power pumping, nursing on demand....you name it, I tried it.

Currently all I am able to pump is about 1oz....2 if I am lucky. The only time I get more than that is at 3:30 in the morning. I'll get about 3oz during that pump.

I am still nursing the girls. I nurse one baby at each feeding...alternating every time. So I will breastfeed which ever babies turn it is...then give her a bottle...then pump. The whole process takes about an hour to an hour and a half. It is so frustrating to do all of that and know that I am giving my girls so little breast milk.

Society has made this whole expreience quite difficult and traumatic for me. I have been made to feel like I am not doing enough. Like I am not trying hard enough. It sucks. There is nothing more that I want than to be able to breast feed my girls and I feel like that precious experience is being taken from me.

So for now I will continue to pump and give them the very little breast milk that I can produce, but at some point I will have to decide when the output is not worth the payoff. Right now their bottles are about 1/3 to 1/2 breast milk...but as we continue to increase the amount of formula, this amount becomes less and less.

I'd love to hear from anyone that had low supply issues and how long you tried to breastfeed for!

Long overdue-The Birth Story!

2010-09-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

I must appologize for being a crappy blogger and leaving you hanging after the girls were born. It's been a whirlwind experience. So here goes nothing...

August 24, 2010- At 2 am I woke up with HORRIBLE contractions. They were bad enough that I got out of bed, walked around the house for a while, cried, tried to fall asleep in the rocker in the nursery, cried some more, took a hot bath (which I know is bad...but I was in so much pain), cried some more, sat on the couch until the sun came up. Oh...and then I cried some more. By the time DH got up, he knew I was just miserable.

I was timing my contractions and they were all over the place...some at 2 minutes apart, some at 10 minutes apart. I was scheduled for a doctors appointment later that afternoon. DH decided to work from home that morning to keep an eye on me. Around 7:30am I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting. 10 minutes later I had to pee again (big surprise) and this time I noticed that my mucous plug had come out and that the spotting was a little bit more substantial. That coupled with the fact that the contractions seemed to be getting worse and worse earned a call to Labor and Delivery. They suggested that I just come on in and get checked out (mind you...I was just there 2 days ago and they sent me home).

We arrived at L&D around 9am and our nurse that we had last time, Annie, took us back. After about an hour and 5 or 6 different nurses taking a crack at it...the fetal monitors were on. Low and behold I was having pretty consistent contractions at 2 minutes apart. Much stronger than last time. The doctor came in after we were all situated and checked my cervix. 1cm. Shit. Seriously...1 cm. That is what I was at 2 days ago when I came in. The doctor wrote me off and said this is just more preterm labor. He suggested doing some blood work. In the mean time he gave me a shot of terbutaline to stop the contractions. He said if this was just preterm labor the terbutaline should stop the contractions. It did not stop them!

So I sat curled up in the hospital bed grabbing the arm rails crying for hours while poor DH sat there and listened to me. After several hours a group of surgeons came in and were questioning my pain. When I described it to them they said that they thought I had appendicitis. They told me that the pain coupled with my blood work coming back with high white blood cell counts lead them to believe that it was appendicitis. The surgeon informed me that because of this pregnancy they would not be able to operate laproscopically but rather through a several inch incision that they would make on my right side above my hip. To be honest I was in such pain that none of this was registering. The only thing I kept asking is if they were going to cut me open, can they please take the babies out...to which my OB said "no." (Asshole).

My doctor came back a little while later and informed me that they were going to wait for a little while to see what happened before taking me back for "exploratory surgery." Finally, after crying for hours in the hospital, the doctor agreed to give me some pain meds. Ahh sweet relief. Funny thing is, the nurses kept coming in my room saying "you dont look like someone that has appendicitis...you look like you are in labor."

The rest of the afternoon is kind of hazy. God bless pain meds. At some point my husband left to go home and let the dogs out and pick up a change of clothes for himself as it was becoming abundantly clear that we weren't going home.

The doctor came back in later that afternoon and checked my cervix again. 3cm. Yes...3cm. It might not be much but to me it meant that I was in labor and that there was finally and end in sight! The doctors response... "Well it looks like you are in labor." (Dumbass)

Around 11pm I was finally given an epidural. After 4 tries the epidural was in place. Most people cringe when I tell them that...but after being in labor for nearly 24 hours, you could have sawed off my pinky toe and it wouldn't have affected me. Finally, I was feeling better. It was the first time I felt complete relief in 3 weeks (which is how long I battled preterm labor). They also placed my catheter in....although...I can't lie...I really don't remember that happening.

August 25, 2010: At about 4am the nurse came in to check on me. While she was checking the monitors, etc I felt like the cather had been moved or come out because I thought I felt urine all over the bed. The nurse checked and said "Nope, that's not urine...your water just broke." YESSSSSSSSSSSS......there was no turning back now. For the first time I felt completely relaxed because I knew the doctor could not send me home in pain. I knew that my babies were coming.

Around 9am a team of surgeons came in and did the whole "Oh, I guess you were in labor" routine. Not the "Sorry we almost sliced you open for no reason" routine I was expecting.

A new doctor came in shortly after and checked my cervix again. I think I was dialted to 7cm at this point and 100% effaced.

Another hour or 2 later I was dilated to 9. They finally started to get me and DH ready for delivery in the OR.

At 10am or so they came in and checked me again. I was nearly 10cm. We did a few "practice pushes" in the room before they took DH and I to the OR. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. My plan was always to have a c-section. The decision to have a vaginal delivery came really late in the game.

Around 11:30 they took us back to the OR. The OR was tiny...much smaller than I expected. There were 14 people in this little room including DH and I. They had me move to the OR bed and put my legs in stirrups. Truth be told, I had nothing to do with the movement of the legs because I had no sensation in them at all. I probably started pushing around 12ish. After 20 or so pushes Harper Elizabeth was born at 12:22pm weighing4lbs, 10oz and was 16.25" long and 3 pushes later Stella Christine was born at 12:32 pm weighing 5lbs 3oz and was 18.25" long.

Harper was immediately taken to the NICU and put on a ventilator to help her breathe. Stella stayed in the OR briefly. They even set her on my chest to see. It was the most incredible experience of my life. I will never forget the way DH looked at me when they announced it was two girls. A pure look of terror and excitement.

They took both girls to the NICU while they finished me up. I apparently had some pretty severe hemorrhaging because I remember hearing the doctor say "We've given her everything on the cart" as one of the docs asked for more bleeding medication. They gave me several minutes of the most painful fundal massage ever. The fundal massage was definitely the most painful part of the whole experience! They put a few stitches in to close a small tear and then I was wheeled back to my room.

I was in and out of it during recovery...probably because of all of the meds and because I had lost so much blood. DH was able to go to the NICU to be with the girls. About 5 hours later I was finally able to go see my baby girls. It was the most incredible experience ever. They were the most beautiful babies I have ever seen and I instantly fell in love with them.

Long story short....after 11 days in the NICU, we finally were able to bring our girls home. Being a mommy is hands down the most amazing thing I've ever done. I am in awe every time I look at them. God is good.

In the NICU

2010-08-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. These past few days have been an emotional whirlwind. In short, we are still in the NICU. We are making progress every day.

My husband and I started a Tumblr site to keep our family and friends updated. The link is: http://fostertwins.tumblr.com/

Due to lack of time, I'll just let everyone click over there to see pics and check on our hospital progress. Hopefully I'll be able to resume a semi normal blogging role in the near future!

Harper and Stella are here!!!

2010-08-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

After several days of preterm labor, and 56 hours of actual labor, DH and I welcome two beautiful girls into the world, Haper and Stella at 33 week and 6 days gestation.

Harper had some problems breathing and was put on a ventilator. She came off the vent 4 hours later and was put on a Cpap machine. She came off the c-pap 4 hours later is now breathing on her own.

Stella had no problems breathing at all and is only being held in the NICU because she was born 12 hours before the cutoff for the standard nursery of 34 weeks.

While the babies came earlier than expected, both are doing extremely well and we are hoping we will be able to take them home in a week or two if not sooner.

Late in the game we decided to try for a vaginal delivery. So glad I did. Harper came out after about 15 pushes and Stella came out exactly 10 minutes later with only 5 pushes. I only had one small tear that required 1 single stitch. I am moving around pretty well and feeling generally good.

Harper weighed in at 4lbs, 12 oz and Stella weighed in at 5lbs, 3 oz.

I am taken back by how in love I am with these two little girls and my amazing husband as we begin this very exciting chapter in our life!

Please meet our girls:

Mama is very ready to have these babies!

Daddy is ready too!

Baby B-Stella

Baby A-Harper

Harper

Stella blowing bubbles


Stella			I'll post the birth story when I am not completely sleep deprived!

Visit to Labor and Delivery

2010-08-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

Saturday night around 12:30 I started to have some really painful contractions...the kind that start in your back and radiate around. I didn't think anything of it since I have been having contractions for about the past 3 weeks. They were painful enough though that I couldn't sleep. I moved from my bed, to the glider in the nursery, to the couch. Nothing seemed to help. Around 3am they were bad enough that I decided to take a hot shower (an cry the whole time). Still in pain. I went back to the couch where I stayed so I wouldn't wake DH up. I fell into a light sleep for about an hour.

When DH got up he started timing my contractions which ranged from 2 minutes to 8 minutes apart and were really intense. We decided to play it safe and head to the hospital.

While we were there they hooked me up tot he monitors which showed that all of my contractions were 2-4 minutes apart. The doctor came in and did a cervical. I am still 80% effaced but am 1cm dilated now. The doctor could feel baby A's head and said he felt my bag of water bulging through my cervix. I BEGGED them to stop the contractions but the doctor said they won't do that unless they are "productive contractions" meaning they are causing me to dilate. Since I wasn't in "real" labor they sent me home.

I have been in an unbelievable amount of pain since all of this has started. A am definitely at the "I am done" point in this pregnancy. I was selfishly hoping that I was in labor so I can get these babies out. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I wasn't in real labor and we've bought ourselves a little more time, but the thought of going on like this for another 2-3 weeks makes me cry (literally... I've cried several times thinking about it).

I just pray that all of this preterm labor eases up so I can at least get a few decent nights of rest before the babies come. I asked the nurse how much longer she thought I had and her response was "You could go into full blow labor tomorrow morning or you can go for another 3 or 4 weeks." Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

No news is good news

2010-08-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today's appointment revealed that I am holding steady. Still 80% effaced and fingertip dilated. I told the doctor that I thought I had lost my mucus plug and he said that it means nothing and would venture to say that all of the cervical exams that I have been having week to week are what dislodged it. Whew.

Both babies are still head down...so by definition both babies are vertex/vertex however, baby B's body is actually transverse across the top of my abdomen. The doctor said we can go ahead and schedule our C-section for 38 weeks. He did say that he strongly encourages me to think about having a vaginal delivery, espeically if the babies are born early, to help squeeze all of the fluid out of their lungs. He said if I am 5 or 6 centimeters dilated, he would like for me to consider a vaginal birth. He did say that they would of course respect our wishes for a c-section if that is what we choose to do. What are your thoughts on this? I know statistically, even when both twins are head down, many twins wind up being delivered via c-section because the uterus is so distended that the contractions are just not productive enough to move the baby down. DH and I have some serious thinking to do.

The NST revealed pretty steady (and strong) contractions. My BP was 100/50!!! A new pregnancy low for me! God bless my naturally low blood pressure!!!

We go back next week for our growth scan!!

Unplugged

2010-08-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure I lost my mucous plug last night. I am surprisingly calm considering. I think I am going to be a little more strict with bed rest to help keep my cervix closed as long as possible.

Guess it's time to start crossing my legs tighter.

Only 8 more days till I am 34 weeks. Come on babies. Hang in there!!!!!!

32 Weeks

2010-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

How far along: 32 weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain: 36 lbs

Symptoms: Contractions....lots and lots of contractions. The sad part is I know on a scale of 1-10 these contractions are probably only a 1 of how bad they are going to get....but good god, some of them just hurt!

Stretch Marks: Yes. Tons. Looks like we are holding steady at just above the belly button though. Since the babies are already dropping, maybe we can avoid getting any higher!

Sleep: Terrible. I am able to sleep for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time. That is about as long as I can sleep without having to go to the bathroom and/or readjusting my body so I don't get a cramp.

Best Moment Last Week: Finding out I am no more effaced than I was the week prior!

Movement: The babies are starting to run out of room. Their movements are becoming very deliberate. I am no longer able to feel little flutters any more...I can only feel good hard kicks and punches.

Food Cravings: None. I have been really focusing on consuming as much protein as possible so that the babies can gain enough weight before they are born. So I've been drinking lots of shakes and eating protein bars. Other than that I crave ice cream which is a new one for me.

What I Miss: The outdoors. Being on bed rest has given me a whole new appreciation for being able to do simple things like clean my house or go to the grocery store.

What am I looking forward to: The only thing I am looking forward to at this point is reaching the magical 34 week mark. I am fairly certain I can do it!

Milestones: 32 weeks! The babies have a pretty good shot if they were to be born right now...granted, they would probably require a little bit of ventilator assistance.

How is Daddy? I can't say enough good things about my husband. He has been taking me to my doctor appointments, helping me through contractions, taking me out at night on car rides which he calls "walking me" just so I can get out of the house, making dinner, cleaning, ....the list really goes on and on. He has single handedly kept our house afloat while I have been on bed rest. I am so blessed to have such an amazing and supportive husband. I think he is really starting to get excited about the arrival or these babies....which could literally be in 2 weeks!

Now for the 32 week pic....again, forewarning on the stretch marks!

Holding Steady

2010-08-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Today's doctor's appointment revealed that I am still 80% effaced and fingertip dilated. Great news. At least I know that all of this terribly boring bedrest is doing something good! I also had a Non-stress test today (NST) which showed pretty steady contractions. I had about 6 over a 30-40 minute span. They aren't really painful, just really uncomfortable because they create so much pressure. The nurse seemed slightly concerned about this. After showing it to the doctor I was sent home with instructions to call if the contractions get any closer together or get more painful. Both babies heartbeats showed accelerations which is really good.

The doctor today said if I go into labor in the next 2 weeks the will do everything they can to stop it, but once I hit 34 weeks they will go ahead and deliver the babies if my body decides it is time. I am still really hoping to hold out for 36 weeks. I asked the doctor about this and he said it might be possible to go up until my due date. He said there is really no way to tell. So now I just sit and wait!

Getting ready...little by little

2010-08-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

So this weekend we did our last Babies-r-us run. We exchanged some stuff from the shower that we received duplicates of and picked up all of the final little things we needed like a bottle sterilizer, 2 extra car seat bases for our 2nd car, some extra changing table covers, etc.

It's kind of weird to think that will be our last baby run before we actually have the babies. The nursery is pretty much ready to go. The cribs are made, the changing table is fully stocked, the breast pump parts have been sterilized.....all of the little things are done. My husband did some serious cleaning and organizing in there last week while I napped. I am so greatful for all of his help...especially since I am on bed rest and feel like a worthless member of our household.

So now I am just laying here with my legs crossed tight in bed doing everything I can to hold these babies in. The contractions are still coming...but very infrequent...about one or two every hour. I go back to the doctor this Thursday for my next appointment. Hopefully not much will have changed!

In other news, our bedroom furniture that we have been waiting for for nearly 8 months from Direct Buy FINALLY arrived. So glad we are not living out of card board boxes in our room anymore!!!

Our twin bassinet

Long overdue update...

2010-08-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I've been a terrible blogger. It seems like things have been getting crazy around here.

So lets start from the baby shower. We had our BIG baby shower this past weekend. My mom, dad, and 2 sisters flew in for it. It was so good to see them. I haven't seen them since this past Christmas. It was so neat to get to see my parents at 30 weeks pregnant. Watching my family rub my belly and try to feel baby kicks is an experience I will never forget. It was amazing. The baby shower itself was fantastic. We got tons of stuff and got to spend time with great friends. Notable gifts include our double stroller from my mom and dad, the swing from my sister, the double bassinet from my other sister, and lots and lots of clothes and things from friends. Here are some pics from the whole shower weekend.

My sisters kissing their nieces/nephews:

My mom and dad at the baby shower

Here are some pics of my sisters and I working on my baby shower cake:

Ok, in other news, I found my self at the doctors office yesterday after having contractions every 4 minutes apart. At our last appointment we did find that I am already 80% effaced and fingertip dilated, so I have been on bed rest since then.

They did an fFN test, and we fortunately found out today it was negative. They went ahead and gave me 2 doses of the steriod shots to mature the babies lungs "just in case."

So now I am just laying around and crossing my legs tight!

Week 1 of bedrest

2010-08-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

Today begins my first full week of bed rest. Thank god my job is letting me continue to work while I am out on bed rest (or I might seriously go crazy!). This weekend was filled with lots of contractions so hopefully being flat on my back will help curtail some of those. I am erring on the conservative side with the bed rest, so I am trying to remain as flat as possible while I work.

Here is my new fancy shmacny office.... Pardon my double chin. I am looking particularly puffy these days!

This weekend was the last of our baby showers. My family from Florida flew up for it and hosted it. It was so wonderful and seeing my family was amazing. I will post all about it as soon as I upload the photos!

Now back to crossing my legs tight and praying I can make it to 36 weeks.

The bedrest begins...

2010-07-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

Today's appointment was a little more eventful than I had hoped. Both babies looked great. Fluid looks good. Baby A is our runt and measured 3.2lbs in the 31 percentile, which I thought was small, but is apparently normal. Baby B is our chunker weighting in at 3.11 lbs in the 74 percentile. The discordance rate between the two babies is 15% and anything less than 20% is considered normal.

Then came the not fun part....my first cervical exam of this pregnancy. Apparently I am already 80% effaced and fingertip dilated. The babies are at -2 station. The doctor said he could feel baby A's head. I am officially on "modified bed rest" or what my doc calls "level 1" which means working stops, shopping stops, cooking stops, cleaning stops, etc. I am less than enthused about this because I was REALLY hoping to work until 36 weeks.

So all the doctor told us was "these babies are coming early." They prepared us for the possibility of NICU time. I am sufficiently disappointed that I am this thinned out already and am really praying that I can keep these babies cooking for another 6-8 weeks.

Please say a little prayer for our little guys.

Shape of a Mother

2010-07-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

I fully acknowledge that this blog will seem cold and callous to those who are still battling IF, but this blog also serves as my diary of my journey, and it would't be complete without mentioning.....

I am terrified of how my body is going to look after I give birth. I am terrified of how my body is going to look 6 months down the road, 12 months, 2 years. It scares the holy crap out of me.

I am amazed at the changes my body has made to accommodate these two amazing babies. My baby belly is gorgeous and round and I absolutely love it. I've gained a little over 30 lbs and I think I still look fabulous. All that being said, I've watched as my skin has stretched....and not just stretched, but ripped from deep inside. The kinds of stretch marks that are simply painful.

This week the babies must be having a growth spurt, because the painful stretch marks have resumed their spread up my stomach and hips. Today I noticed that the skin around my belly button ring (don't worry...it's a maternity piercing made out of flexible plastic) is starting to stretch from the piercing hole up my stomach.

I am fully aware that with (hopefully) 9 more weeks of pregnancy, my stomach will likely stretch even more. I have this fear though that after all of the swelling goes down postpartum, my skin is going to be a hot mess. It is going to hang and look gross. It's going to constantly hang over pants. It's going to make me never want to be naked. And worst of all it's going to make my husband not see my body the same way. I know it seems silly, but how can someone else love your body if you can't love it yourself.

I pray all of my worrying is for nothing and that besides the stretch marks and having a flabbier belly, but body returns to something that resembles normal.

This morning, I did find an amazing website called Shape of a Mother which is a bloggers way of showing off the post-pregnancy "secret." It was quite inspiring to know that not everyone walks away from pregnancy without stretch marks...and not everyone gains the "perfect" amount of weight during their pregnancy....and not everyone looks like a super model 1 week after giving birth. It was quite inspiring. I encourage anyone that is expecting and has some of the worries that I do to check it out.

Contractions

2010-07-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

So after a day and a half of decreased fetal movements, I called the doctors office. They said the fact that I was feeling any movement was a good sign and were pretty confident that the babies had just shifted to face each other or face my back. At any rate, they would feel better if I came in for an NST. So I did. Both babies were just fine with heartbeats around 135 and 140ish. What I didn't expect to see was some contractions on the strip. The doctor was not concerned with them and the nurse described them as very mild contractions or simply uterine irritability. I didn't even feel most of them...with the exception of 2 of them which were slightly uncomfortable. I was sent home with the instructions to "take it easy, drink more water, and stay indoors." She also told me to call back immediately if the contractions became painful or more frequent so I can be hooked up to the monitor again.

Fortunately I am working from home today so I am taking full advantage of "Bed office" in which I lay in bed with my phone on my belly and my laptop on my legs. In 2 more weeks I'll be starting to work from home for 2 days a week. I am really hoping that this will allow me to continue to work until the end of this pregnancy. I've done the math and if I can keep these babies in and keep working until 36 weeks and 4 days I'll be able to stay off right through the holidays and come back to work in January (which would be AWESOME!). Holy crap...that's only 55 days!!!

Thrid Trimester?!?!?!

2010-07-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. I cannot believe I am in my 3^rd trimester already. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant. The even scarier thing is unlike the first 2 trimesters, I am fully aware that I am not going to get a full 3^rd trimester in. Ehhhhh. Scary.

How far along: 28 weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain: 30 lbs

Symptoms: Unbelievable back/sciatic nerve pain and swollen appendages. My feet look like Christmas hams with Vienna sausages stitched on (I know that you think I probably only referred to them as food items because I am pregnant, but I find those two things completely repulsive right now). My hands are also so swollen that bending my fingers hurts and is difficult.

Stretch Marks: Yes. They seemed to stop for a few weeks there and I think the babies are on a growth spurt again because they are picking back up…and above the belly button this time. I have never been skinny before, but picturing my post baby belly is starting to sadden me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wear a 2 piece again…especially given that I have 8-10 weeks of stretching left to do!

Sleep: Not good. Bathroom trips have increased to about 3-4 times per night. Getting out of bed is a chore because of the back pain so the whole process of going to the bathroom takes much longer than it should. Not to mention that once I get back into bed my heart is racing as if I just completed some Olympic feat.

Best Moment Last Week: Baby B was facing outwards and I could feel every little movement. Any time it’s hands moved, I felt it and could see it. It was pretty cool. I am pretty sure they are facing inwards again because I don’t feel as much movement from that one except big kicks.

Movement: See above. There is tons of movement. I love sitting there and putting my hands on my tummy and feeling the Mortal Combat party that is going on in there. I really hope they have flipped in the same direction, because of one is still breach, poor baby A is getting kicked in the head A LOT!

Food Cravings: None. I don’t feel like eating. My stomach is so squished that I rarely get hungry and when I do eat it gives me reflux. It is actually becoming a problem because by the time I am registering I am hungry it is because my blood sugar has tanked so low that I feel like puking. I am trying to be better about it.

What I Miss: Breathing. I miss going up the stairs and not needing 20 minutes to recover from it. Seriously…how do morbidly obese people do it?!

What am I looking forward to: I am looking forward to our Marvelous Multiples class (which will hopefully be a better experience than our breastfeeding class). I am also REALLY looking forward to the arrival of my family from Florida in 2 weeks for our baby shower.

Milestones: 28 weeks!!!! The babies now have a 90-95% chance of survival if they should be born now (god forbid).

How is Daddy? Amazing. He has been helping me so much more around the house because it is becoming more and more difficult to get things done. He’s been giving me lots of back and foot rubs and tells me every single day to stop what I am doing and go take a hot bath. He is seriously as awesome as the guy in the old spice commercials: ) I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband who has taken such an active role in this pregnancy.

Breastfeeding Class-FAIL

2010-07-14T07:30:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was one of those days where everything seems to go wrong.

Where to begin, I worked from home yesterday (currently I am telecommuting 1 day per week…..it’s awesome!). Work was one of those hellish days which put me in a bad mood to start my day out. Then my husband called to tell me he had been bumped off his flight home from his business trip. He was put on the next flight 6 hours later and thought he could make our breastfeeding class that night.

Wrong. He didn’t make our breastfeeding class because his flight kept getting delayed and delayed and delayed. So after a total breakdown over having to go to this class by myself, I laid down for an hour to rest my eyelids (because keeping them open nowadays is becoming difficult).

I got up and headed to my breastfeeding class. It was a nightmare to find. Thank god for the parade of pregnant women walking in, otherwise I think I would have given up and driven home.

So as the class starts I rapidly figure out that I am the only multiple mama there (also I am the only one there without their spouse….Score…nothing like looking like the single mom that got knocked up) and this class is SOOOO not geared towards breastfeeding more than one baby. So we watch movies and review different techniques for holding the baby while feeding. At the break, I talked to the instructor. I told her I was a bit overwhelmed because it seems like everything is geared towards feeding one baby. She discussed with me different techniques for twins, etc. Then she tells me she needs to get me another baby out. She hands me a black baby. Really. COME ON! It’s not that I am a racist, but for any of you IVF mama’s out there, you may relate to this irrational fear that maybe the embryos/baby growing inside me aren’t mind and when they go “It’s a boy/girl” and I look at it it is going to be asian or something.

So the class continues….then the instructor begins to add this caveat to all of her statements that “this only applies to full term babies” then she looks at me and says “Yours will probably be preemies.” After she says this several times and points out the fact that with preemies I’ll probably have to pump and not get to breastfeed right off the bat, I about lost it.

Finally when the class ended, I got in my car and cried. I cried the whole way home. I finally pulled myself together to see my husband whom I hadn’t seen in a few days. And when I walked in the door and he hugged me, I cried hysterically. I am fully aware that this is all pregnancy hormones, but it was just an all around shitty day. My husband held me and reminded me that he would rather have 2 healthy preemie babies than a baby that is born on its due date not healthy or worse yet still born. Given that we have had 2 friends in the past 2 weeks give birth to stillborn babies, this was a very true reality.

So I am done with classes geared towards singletons. I feel like the instructors are a little too doom and gloom for me. So I am really looking forward to our “Marvelous Multiples” class at the end of the month. I feel like that will be a little more of a positive environment for DH and I.

Looks like sausages

2010-07-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Ok...seriously, this swelling is a little ridiculous. My feet are so swollen today that I can barely bend my toes. My toes look like small Vienna sausages stitched on to a Christmas ham. My leg and foot have fused to become one...they call themselves canckles! They look like Flintstone feet!

27 weeks

2010-07-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

How far along: 27 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 30 lbs

Symptoms: Unbelievable back pain and sciatic nerve pain

Stretch Marks: Oh yes…..no new ones seemed to have sprung up in the past few weeks, but there are plenty there.

Sleep: I can’t get enough of it. Sleeping is getting a little more difficult because moving from one side to the other is becoming difficult…as is breathing.

Best Moment Last Week: Finding out I passed my GTT and touring the maternity center where we will have our babies. I also celebrated my 26^th birthday at 26 weeks and 6 days pregnant: )

Movement: Lots and lots. I could lay down all day and watch my belly move. Baby B is definitely the more active of the two. It is kind of funny how they are developing their very own unique personalities already.

Food Cravings: Watermelon…this hasn’t changed over the past few weeks. I think I could sit down and eat a whole water melon.

What I Miss: The ability to walk normal and at a normal pace. I also really miss being able to breathe and not get winded doing simple tasks like putting my shoes on.

What am I looking forward to: There is lots I am looking forward to…..our breast feeding class next week and the arrival of my family from Florida for our baby shower! I also have an u/s scheduled that weekend so I am looking forward to getting to bring my family to that!

Milestones: The nursery is now fully furnished!

How is Daddy? Amazing. He goes up and above to help me feel better when my back and body are killing me. He’s been my rock and source of strength for this pregnancy and I couldn’t do it without him! He still giggles when the babies kick him while he touches my belly. It’s amazing to watch him bond with babies he hasn’t met yet.

And for the 27 pictures. (Warning-my belly is stretched to shit…so if stretch marks gross you out, look away now!!! You've been warned)

Maternity Photos

2010-07-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

Here is a slideshow of the maternity photos we had taken this past weekend.

Please keep Rebecca in your thoughts.

2010-06-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

Friends,

It is with great sadness that I ask you to keep Rebecca at The Road Less Traveled in your thoughts and prayers. At 22 weeks and 6 days Rebecca and her husband gave birth and said goodbye to their beautiful daughter Lillian Grace.

Lord God, ever caring and gentle, we commit to Your love this little one, quickened to life for so short a time. Enfold him/her in eternal life. We pray for his/her parents who are saddened by the loss of their child. Give them courage and help them in their pain and grief. May they all meet one day in the joy and peace of Your kingdom. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

GTT Passed!

2010-06-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

I passed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test. Thank God. I can't lie...I was worried just because of the propensity towards GD in PCOS'ers. I guess taking my Metformin through this pregnancy has paid off!

Now if I could just figure out how to battle this unbelievable horrible back pain I would be a very happy camper. So far pelvic tilts and chiropractor work have not helped. Hopefully I'll find something that helps because there have been a few nights this week I've been on the cusp of crying it hurts so bad. I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it is going to get over the next few weeks.

Nursery Progress

2010-06-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

Boy....now that we have a majority of the furniture in place, this room is starting to look REALLY tiny.

Here are the latest pics:

25 week appointment

2010-06-25T05:22:00.000-07:00

Today we had our 25 weeks sono and dr. appointment. The sono went great. The babies "semi" cooperated until the nurse came midway and gave me the glucola to drink for my glucose tolerance test (GTT). It was all down hill from there.

I never get tired seeing my babies on the monitor. It is a magical moment every time I see their faces. It's hard to think that you can fall in love with someone you have never even met before. So Baby A is still head down, but Baby B has flipped breach (well not quite breach....(s)he is kind of curled over with it's butt pressed up againsnt my right side. The u/s tech said there really isn't a name for that position. So anyways, we finally got to see a good side profile of baby A (we didn't get to last time because of position). It was amazing. The baby yawned while we were watching. At that very same time we could see Baby B's foot coming in for the kill....it kicked baby A right in the face and we saw baby A's head bounce. Seriously...how can they not come out hating each other?

As a side note-DH and I both noted that the U/S tech dropped a gender describing word for Baby A twice. We are going to keep it to ourselves though: )

All of the other measurements were good. Baby A measured 1lb, 10 oz in the 45 percentile and Baby B measured 1lb, 12 oz in the 55th percentile. The doctor that reviewed it said both were measuring perfectly in the middle which is what we want. Always a relief.

Then I was directed to the blood draw area to have the blood for the glucose tolerance test drawn. Still no word on the results.

Afterwards I had a horrible Doctors appointment with a new doc that had horrible bedside manner. He pretty much came in, looked through my chart, said everything looks good, and kicked me out. He completely disregarded my request for a cervix check or a fundal height check. His rationale...."When your cervix starts to dilate you'll know it." How comforting....dick. Having a cousin that lost her son to premature labor, I am a little paranoid and it wouldn't have killed him to slap on a glove and make sure everything was ok. Ok...enough ranting.

Other stats...BP was great at 111/70. Weight (makes me want to vomit) but I have only gained 5lbs since my last appointment which is good putting my total weight gain for this pregnancy at 27lbs. I am shooting for 40-45. My next appointment is in another 4 weeks when my family comes to town to host my baby shower: )

We didn't get very good pics, but here is what we got:

Baby A-profile pic-you can kind of see the eyes, nose, and mouth:

Baby B-straight on pic-crazy the details on the face that you can see...2 eyes, a nose, and the mouth

24 weeks- Viability day!!

2010-06-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

I can't believe we finally made it to 24 weeks. That's 6 months pregnant. That also means that there are only 14 weeks left! The babies officially have a fighting chance if God forbid they are born early. I'd post a pic, but my officialy belly photographer is out of the country: (

The belly is looking large....and stretched out. I figured I'd get a few stretch marks during this process, but I never expected to get so many or get them so soon. Some of them flat out hurt. I can literally feel the skin tearing. It feels an awful lot like a deep burn.

Now for the 24 week survey:

How far along: 24 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 23.5 lbs

Symptoms: Still really tired, emotional, and a really sore back

Stretch Marks: Yes-deep and painful

Sleep: I could always use more. Bathroom breaks have increased to 3-4 times a night.

Best Moment Last Week: Feeling really strong big kicks and watching my belly move. Also getting the second crib in the nursery.

Movement: Yes...and I love it!

Food Cravings: Watermelon.

What I Miss: Being able to breathe and do normal activities without getting winded.

What am I looking forward to: Our next u/s in one week.

Milestones: VIABILITY!!!

How is Daddy? Wonderful. He's been rubbing my belly a lot and enjoying the kicks and movements as much as I am.

Not coping well

2010-06-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

DH is out of the country until Saturday. Business trips are no stranger to our relationship. He has to travel often. In fact...he moved to take his current job while I still lived in Miami and we lived apart for 6 months. I am usually just fine, but for some reason, this time, I am not holding it together very well. Our house seems so eerie and lonely. The dogs aren't much comfort either because they are being a bunch of lazy assess and sleeping since I got home from work. I have realized how truly boring life is without him.

I just need to hold it together for another 96 hours. I am going to chalk my break downs over his absense on hormones. Damn you hormones.

False alarm

2010-06-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

So this Saturday morning was spent in Labor and Delivery at a local hospital. I thought that I had lost part of my mucus plug which immediately sent me into a hysterical panic. DH and I decided that even if it was nothing it would be in our best interest to be seen. So we went to the local hospital, I was put on the contraction monitor, and the doc did a cervical check. No contractions. Cervix-long, tight, and closed. Whew.

False alarm. The doc said that the plug is constantly changing and if I had lost any or part of it, I'd know it. She also lectured me about not coming to this particular hospital again unless the babies are literally coming out because they are not equipped to deal with high risk pregnancies and all they would be able to do is transfer me to the hospital we will be delivering at anyways.

I feel silly for panicking, but glad to know it was nothing. Now if the babies would just keep calm while DH is out of the country through this week, I'll be a happy camper. This Thursday marks viability!! Such a huge milestone. I am so thankful to have made it this far and am taking in every moment of this pregnancy. While I can't wait to meet our babies, I want to soak up all of the memories I can of carrying these miracles in my belly: )

22 weeks

2010-06-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Survey time....

How far along: 22 weeks, 2 days

Total Weight Gain: 22 lbs

Symptoms: Tired (really tired), sore hips, stiff back.

Stretch Marks: Oh yes. Bye bye belly.

Sleep: Pretty good...but I feel like I could use more than I get...no matter how much I get!

Best Moment Last Week: Feeling them move from the outside!!

Movement: They are much more active. I love laying on the couch and watching my belly move!

Food Cravings: Watermelon.

What I Miss: Feeling rested

What am I looking forward to: Getting our second crib next week (we ordered it online).

Milestones: Big movements and a great anatomy scan.

How is Daddy? Wonderful. He's done such a great job helping me get the nursery ready. He's been putting his hands on my belly a lot more and trying to feel them move.

Pics:

Eyes...won't...stay...open....

2010-06-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am not a complainer. Really, I'm not. I haven't blogged about the stretch marks, the back pain, the hip pain, the sciatic nerves, nothing.... But this fatigue, I am going to complain about.

I woke up this morning, and my first thought was to cry. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy has the alarm gone off already. I mean I went to bed at 10pm, made it all the way through the night without getting up to pee (which was a mistake), and the alarm went off 5am. So why do I feel worse than all of those night in college where I pulled all nighters studying for organic chemistry (sorry I just vomited in my mouth thinking about it).

It seems to be getting progressively worse too. A few weeks ago, I would simply feel a little bit more tired before bed. Now waking up is a chore.

I just can't believe that this is a normal feeling for 22 weeks pregnant.

Why men shouldn't play with baby things

2010-06-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Baby showers are great. You get lots of "stuff" for your little addition(s). Coincidently, husbands get lots of time to "test" these gifts.

Exhibit A:

You may remember this lovely gift from here:

But here is how it has been used:

Yes, that is DH testing the night vision and "Crying" to see how the sound works.

Just had to share because I died laughing when he did this.

Anatomy Scan and other updates

2010-06-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry...I've been a shitty blogger lately. My job is running me ragged and I just don’t seem to have the time or energy to do anything these days. So I apologize. Now to play catch up…

Anatomy Scan

We had our anatomy scan on Friday. Besides the fact that this appointment kept us at the office for 4 hours (mind you the actual scan only took an hour), everything went well.

Baby A is head down right against my cervix on my left side. It has all 10 fingers and 10 toes. All vital organs are looking good. Baby B is also head down on my right side…just a little higher up than baby A. Both babies were measuring right around 1 pound each. Apparenlty neither baby would cooperate-so much so that the u/s tech asked if she could have the rights to spank them when they came out. She asked us if we wanted to know what we were having and we told her no. So she advised that we look away while she scanned the legs and did the sex determination. She did ask if we wanted to know if anything was wrong…there wasn’t…so at least we know they aren’t hermaphrodites. It didn’t seem to take her long at all to determine the sex…which kind of makes me think they are boys.

Anyways, due to the lack of cooperation, she was not able to get all of the necessary measurements so we have to come back in 4 weeks to complete the anatomy scan. We really only got a good profile pic of baby A, but just knowing they are healthy is enough for me. She also did a transvaginal to measure my cervix. It went from 3.1 at my last scan to 3.8 this time. That is apparently a GREAT measurement for this stage in the game.

Then we met with the doc. Fundal height puts me measuring at 28 weeks (which explains why I feel huge and my skin is staging a mass revolt in which fabulous purple stretch marks are claiming their territory across the bottom of my belly. Yay. I knew genetically I was screwed when I found out I was pregnant. Everyone is my family has stretch marks. The doctor seemed quite pleased with my cervical measurements. He said if we continue at this rate, barring no complications, it looks like we will be scheduling our c-section at 38 weeks! That puts us at September 23. The later in September the better…because selfishly, I don’t want to go back to work before Christmas and I am taking 16 weeks maternity leave. So that is 114 more days…but who is counting: )

Here are the few pics we got from the anatomy scan (with and without captions):

Nursery:

I have made some lee-way on the nursery. I have ordered the second crib which should arrive sometime in August-September. I was really hoping to have it sooner, but DH assured me that getting it then would be just fine considering how much money we saved (We ordered it through Amazon and saved on shipping and taxes!). So I agreed.

I finally finished the curtains in the nursery. As soon as I take some pics, I’ll be sure to share them. They are really an embarrassing show of seamstress-ship…but they are done, and babies don’t know that my sewing sucks.

I also picked up a bunch of cute bins to put under the changing table to organize thinks like the changing table covers, diaper genie refills, diapers, wipes, etc.

And on that note….DH and I have slowly been stocking up on Pampers diapers (because we’ve heard this is the best brand for wee ones). Well after doing an assessment, I realized that we have 3 cases of the Pampers with Dri-weave…which in case you haven’t heard , these diapers have apparently been causing chemical burns on babies. That’s what we get for trying to be smart and buy ahead. So now I have to try to return 3 cases of diapers. Fun.

Back to the nursery-the cute “ABC” wooden decorative letters are hung and the super cute DJ bird art that we got at our last baby shower is hung. Dare I say it-it is actually starting to look like a nursery and less like baby items have thrown up in there.

Movement:

Holy crap….these are some active babies!!!! I felt the first movement from the outside this past Thursday. Every time I tried to get DH to feel it, they stopped. Figures. But finally…he felt baby B kick Monday morning while we were laying in bed. They have gone from barely moving, to moving my entire belly almost overnight. It’s crazy. I love it though! So relaxing and reassuring.

Ok…I think that about sums it up!

Baby Shower #1

2010-05-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was our first baby shower. It was in Kansas...so we had to fly...and I was told 20 weeks was the cut off for twins. So it was an early shower but that's o.k.

We had an amazing time. Our good friends Bob and Ashley hosted the party at DH's parents house. They really went above and beyond from the decorations to the gourmet cupcakes. DH's parents had BBQ catered in. A good friend who is a home brewer supplied a keg of home brew for all of the non-pregos and the men. It was really a great gathering of all of DH's closest friends.

We received a TON of gifts. I couldn't believe how much stuff we got! Getting it all home was "fun" but worth it.

Here are some pics from the shower.

20 weeks

2010-05-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

How far along: 20 weeks, 1 days

Total Weight Gain: 18.5 lbs

Symptoms: Tired....like the kind of tired that makes you want to curl in fetal position and cry.

Stretch Marks: They have made their arrival in full force. So far only on the bottom of my belly.

Sleep: Not fantastic. I am having a harder time staying asleep and the middle of the night bathroom breaks seem to be getting more frequent.

Best Moment Last Week: Listening to the kicks with my fetal heart doppler and then seeing the doppler move on my tummy. I think we are getting close to feeling them from the outside!

Movement: They are getting much more active and I love it! I am feeling more purposeful kicks but I haven't been able to feel them with my hands from the outside.

Food Cravings: Chocolate cherrios.

What I Miss: Feeling rested

What am I looking forward to: Our first baby shower this weekend.

Milestones: Reaching 20 weeks! We are officially over the hump. Just 18 weeks left.

How is Daddy? Wonderful. He's done a great job of making me feel good about myself as this week has been one of those "holy crap I look like a cow" kind of weeks. He's been rubbing my back and belly which I LOVE!

Pics:

I think these just make me look huge and fat...not really pregnant:

Can't believe there are 2 of those in there!

Happy Anniversary to us!

2010-05-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today marks DH and I's 3rd wedding anniversary. In some respects it feels like our wedding was just yesterday and in others it seems like it was longer than 3 years.

I feel so blessed to have such an amazing, supportive husband who has been my rock through our IF journey. Without him, I may have just lost my mind. It still blows my mind that he still gives me butterflies and I never get tired of being around him.

I feel so blessed to have married my very best friend and am looking forward to a lifetime of happiness (and a house full of pitter patters soon!).

So if you are reading this post....Happy Anniversary honey. I am a lucky girl to be your wife!

Must...stay...awake...

2010-05-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have been plagued with this kind of tired that just doesn't go away. I fall asleep on the couch most evenings by about 9-9:30pm. Then I transplant myself in bed around 10-10:30. I wake up once or twice to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and then get up for work at 5am. So that is 8 hours of sleep give or take. I NEVER slept 8 hours before I was pregnant. 5 or 6 hours was the norm and worked just fine for me. Now it seems like no matter how much sleep I get, I am SO tired all day long. I am crossing my fingers that this is a phase and not something that will progressively get worse. Making it through the 1 hour commute to work, a 9 hour work day, and a 1 hour commute home is already wearing on me.

Ok...that's enough complaining. In other news, we ordered our second crib. For those of you that have followed most of the nursery drama...yes we already had another crib that DH's brother gave us. Long story short, the movers lost the two pieces that hold the side rails up. Also...the mattress does not fit in the crib appropriately, so I am at peace with buying a new one. We actually got a crazy insane deal on Amazon on the Graco Ashely crib. They have it at BRU for $170 plus tax. I got it on Amazon for $119 with free shipping and no tax. We picked it because A) it's cheap and babies don't need expensive furniture B) it kind of matches the other crib the SIL gave us (which I couldn't find a matching one for sale ANYWHERE on the internet, and C)did i mention it's cheap.

Here's a picture of the crib we ordered:

And for comparison, here is the other crib we already have (Babi Italia Carlisle):

My hope is that the colors will at least semi match. I am also planning on staining the white-wash changing table we have to match as well. It seems like the nursery is coming together little by little.

In other baby news, this weekend is our first baby shower in Kansas (hosted by DH's best friend and his wife). Yes, I know 20 weeks is really early for a shower, but this is the last week I am able to fly. I about peed my pants this morning when I got this email from the host/hostess:
"Hey Randy,

Ashley has been working on cakes for your party, and i thought I would send you a sneak peek. She is going to color the hair blonde and still has to figure out the twins thing, but I'm sure she'll nail it.... Hope you like it."

And the picture that was attached:

Oh how I love our friends!

Finally, my belly definitely feels like it popped out over night. Here is an "almost 20 weeks" picture from this morning. Please pardon my double chins. My face is starting to look a bit puffy.

I am beginning to have to thwart off awkward attempts by co-workers and such to touch my belly. Permission people. You can touch it....just ask first! Otherwise it's just belly rape!

19 weeks-Halfway there!

2010-05-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

Today officially marks the halfway point for twins! I can't beleive I am halfway there already. It feels surreal! I am definetely starting to feel large and pregnant. As much as I hate to admit it, there may be a slight waddle going on....the hips are just to achy to walk normal.

So now for the 19 weeks quiz:

How far along: 19 weeks, 0 days

Total Weight Gain: 17 lbs

Symptoms: My back is starting to feel the effects of carrying around this belly and boobs! I finally found a lotion that has calmed the itchy skin...so for the time being I can scratch that off of the list of symptoms!

Stretch Marks: Yes...but no new ones thank god.

Sleep: Not as great as it had been. I am waking up a little more to use the bathroom.

Best Moment Last Week: Ordering our nursery glider and getting our crib bedding in that my mom and dad bought us. It's so pretty!

Movement: Yes....it is starting to get more consistent. No definite "kicks" yet...more flutters and taps at this point.

Food Cravings: Anything that won't give me reflux!!

What I Miss: Laying on my back.

What am I looking forward to: Sewing some curtains and a cornice box for the nursery this weekend.

Milestones: Reaching the halfway point!

How is Daddy? Amazing. He's been so supportive...helping me get my whale like butt off the couch! He's also getting excited about building stuff for our kids...like swing sets and things. It's cute.

19 ~~whale~~ week pics:

And here are some pics of the beautiful bedding:

Registry mayhem

2010-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I am at a loss. I really thought putting together our baby registry would be easy as long as I have fantasized about doing it! But here we are 2 weeks away from our first baby shower (still feels unreal), and I am staring at my target registry which has about 15 items on it.

So I am asking all of you that have done your registries already or already have babies….what are some necessities that should be on there? We already have all of the furniture…..and I am ordering my breast pump through the hospital I work at…so those are most of the big ticket items. Please share with me what else I MUST have!

18 weeks and Mothers day

2010-05-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

I don't want to write too much about Mother's Day....it's one of those bitter sweet holidays. I give thanks to God everyday that I am pregnant.....but infertility has robbed me of the ability to sit back and enjoy this mother's day and know that next mothers day I will have 2 beautiful children to celebrate. It has robbed me of the ability to not feel deep sorrow for my fellow IFers on this day. And it has robbed me of my ability to not feel sheer guilt on this day.

All that being said, I took the holiday with a grain of salt. My wonderful husband bought me a "Not mother's day" flower bouquet that was beautiful and my mom and dad sent me a "Mom to be" flower basket. It still doesn't feel real.

And now for the 18 weeks quiz:

18 weeks

How far along: 18 weeks, 4 days

Total Weight Gain: 17.5....right on par with where I should be but I still feel like a cow. I know it will all be worth it if my babies are born big and strong.

Symptoms: I am feeling pretty fabulous. The back pain is starting to get the best of me and making it really difficult to move around like I did before I was pregnant. God bless my husband for helping me get up and off the couch!

Stretch Marks: Yes. They are in full effect. I have 3 small ones on the bottom of my tummy. It's ok...it's not like a 2 piece is in my future.

Sleep: I am sleeping great. Too great in fact. I actually make it all the way through most nights without having to get up and use the bathroom. The downside is my bladder hurts so bad when I wake up!

Best Moment Last Week: Getting the glider ordered for the nursery and buying the second mattress. The nursery is now fully outfitted with furniture.

Movement: Yes-Still nothing consistent. I won't feel them for a few days (and panic) and then I'll get a little flutter or two. I am still excited to feel full on kicks and movements consistently.

Food Cravings: None.

What I Miss: A good glass of wine. We had a house warming party this weekend and NA beer just wasn't hitting the spot.

What am I looking forward to: Our anatomy scan on May 28th and our first baby shower in Kansas on May 22nd. I can't believe we are having a baby shower already!! It makes it feel even more real. We had to do this one this early though because I am not supposed to be flying after 20 weeks....and this one will be just a little past 20 weeks.

Milestones: Having all of the nursery furniture ordered/in our house.

How is Daddy? Awesome. It is so fun to talk about the "what-ifs" together. We laid in bed a good part of Sunday morning and talked about all of the fun what ifs. It's so fun to imagine our life with our two babies.

18 weeks ( and if you want to spare your eyes...I suggest stopping reading at this point):

So cute, so impracticable, but I bought it anyways.

2010-04-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yes...I bought baby sunglasses. I saw them on mamabargains and had to have them. I just pictured our two little babies sitting out on our boat with their little hats and life vests on and it made me warm and fuzzy.

Yesterday they arrived. If you tell me they aren't adorable you have no soul.

And now that I can't see anything between my belly and my knees, a view from up above (a comparison):

13 or 14 weeks:

And 17 weeks:

Here for my anatomy scan...Just kidding!

2010-04-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

So today's OB appointment was a total waste. The doctor we saw today was cool as shit. Unfortunately he doesn't do deliveries since he is the medical director. I am figuring out how this practice works little by little...and it sucks. It's really like 4 practices under one roof...there's the regular OB, MFM (which is the group I see), regular u/s, and MFM u/s (which is what I see). And somehow, no one seems to communicate with one another.

So at my last OB appointment with one of the nurse practitioners in the MFM practice, she wrote me an order to come back from my anatomy scan today (at 16 weeks, 6 days). I happily obliged because I never miss an opportunity to see my babies.

So we show up after our doctor appointment and sit in a waiting room. And we sit. And we sit. 50 minutes after our appointment time we are finally called back. I excitedly roll my maternity pants down and hop on the table. The u/s covers me in goo and goes "So why are we even seeing you today." Umm excuse me...shouldn't you know that? So I reply "For my anatomy scan." Her response "Well I don't know who told you that because it's too early. We can't do those till at least 20 weeks." So wait a minute...you mean to tell me I have been sitting here wasting my entire morning when I could be at work for a scan that you can't do. Ok. Gotcha.

So she says, well I guess we can get some measurements. Yay. Finally some good news. So she turns the screen towards her. I cock my body in a desperate attempt to see the screen but to no avail. I ask her if I can look at the screen to and she tells me that she'll show me at the end. Fine...bitch. So I lay there. And then she starts in on "So why are you even an MFM patient anyways." (Her words). Well dumb bitch with a high school education...it's because I am pregnant with twins and I had started off this lovely journey with a subchorionic hematoma that led to a threatened miscarriage. I didn't quite say that, rather I replied with "Well I think because I am carrying twins." Her response "Well twins doesn't make you high risk." My response "Well obviously my doctors feel this is a high risk pregnancy for me." Silent thought "Now shut the fuck up and do the scan."

So she does the scan. Doesn't say a word about how either of the babies is measuring. Doesn't tell me what she's looking at. Nothing. At the end she says "Ok all done." I looked at her blankly and said "Can I at least have some pictures."

She hands me three u/s pictures that barely look like babies. Really!!!! I know you budgeted 75 minutes for that u/s so there was really no reason why she couldn't take an extra 5 minutes and take at least 2 decent pictures of my babies to tie me over to the next u/s.

So annoyed right now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, the way my insurance is, I can't switch practices without paying through my nose. Oh how I love working for a teaching medical university!

So here are some pics of my blobs courtesy of a white trash bitch with no bedside manner.

Baby A-I call this one "Look ma, no arms and no legs"

Baby B- I call this one "Swiss cheese" or "Chewed up chewing gum"
Baby A and B-looks like Baby B is kissing Baby A's butt:

Crib bedding has been ordered!

2010-04-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Woo hooo. We finally made a decision on a nice gender neutral baby bedding set! We picked the Lambs & Ivy Park Avenue Collection.

God bless my mom and dad, they bought us two sets, two mobiles, and the decorative letters that go on the wall! I feel like this nursery is finally becoming a reality.

Here are some pics of the set:

In other baby related news, my "Hooter Hider" came yesterday. Orginally I wasn't going to buy a nursing cover...I was just going to use a receiving blanket, etc. But they when I thought about feeding both babies at the same time, it occured to me...I won't have any free hands. That could be a problem if the blanket fell off. So when Woot.com had an offer on the Hooter Hider I figured what the hell. It's pretty cute I must say.

Because I am a nut, I also ordered the cutest baby sunglasses from Babysteals.com. Can't wait to get them! I doubt my babies will wear them, but the thought of brining them out on the boat with their little glasses makes me smile.